Sunday, November 26, 2006

Free Flight

Prophylactic, Obstreperous, Alacrity, Couturier, Gallivant.

This week on, A Stray World:
  • RM 47million Heist, Microchips Believed to be in Malaysia.
Only one issue makes it to the frontal lobes of your polemic authors brain this week. There are other issues of interest, but since watching CSI, I have been conditioned into a completely impartial observer which has deprived me of any ability to clear anyone of innocence or guilt in the Mongolian Murder case.

MPK councilors have been sworn in, but it is a non-issue because they will most certainly carry out their duties in a responsible manner by serving the public interest.

That leaves us with what has been said to be the biggest heist ever in Malaysian history.

Early Tuesday, four men dressed in RELA uniforms sashayed into the MASKargo Complex on the grounds on illegal immigrant hunting, a popular pastime here in Malaysia.

You see, illegal immigrant hunters do not require warrants or licenses to carry out their raids, since our nation practises a zero illegals at all costs policy.

Occasionally, white people are targets of these volunteer groups because they are married, not Muslims, and sleep together.

These white folk even have the gall to promote this country to their fellow countrymen! Don't they know school children in Malaysia are taught to write pengaruh budaya Barat (Western Culture) as one of the main reasons why criminals are multiplying, dissenting opinions threatening national harmony are being aired and reality singing contests are producing effeminate, impotent singers.

Back to the pseudo-RELA officers.

These elite team penetrated the heavy defenses of MASKargo to quite literally open the doors for the Greek army waiting outside.

Even MASKargo security, consisting a 2.000 strong army failed to mount any credible resistance to the 20 strong invaders.

Lo and behold! It turned out the group of robbers belonged to non other than the imfamous Mamak Gang, whose fearless skill and ingenious strategies rival the Gays and Lesbians Gang of America and the Chocolate Nutcases of France.

The no guns policy laid down by their commanders meant they could only use non deadly chloroform and white milky substances to subdue the workers.

Security officers from MASKargo had this to say:

"We weren't allowed to lay down security measures. How could we have guarded the facility?"

"It's not my fault. It's my mother who did it!"

"Heist? (yawn...) There was a heist?"

Dead of the Week: 7
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 951

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Rotten Stem of the Tongue

Chronobiology, Rumbustious



This week, on A Stray World:

  • Gasing in Space, a Malaysian First;
  • UMNO and the Great Agenda.

Malaysians nationwide rejoiced as the government revealed a planned experiment to test for harmful gases below the Spacecraft Maximum Allowable Concentration (SMAC) index.



Certain items may give off gases that under earthly conditions, remain harmless. In space though, the polar opposite may occur, where wooden objects like a certain Malay wooden toy known as the gasing in its native language may become a biological time bomb.



The same applies for the batu seremban and very much so for the durian (which certainly exceeds the SMAC with what some have described as rotten cheese with caramel.)



This explains why the Malaysian astronaut will be testing out these items when he finally reaches space.



Come on, no government except North Korea would consider playing traditional games in space at the cost US$ 25 million in hard cash and US$900 million worth of jet fighters.



That will be ludicrous beyond belief!



Had I read something like that in a nationally published English daily, I would have laughed till blood came out of my nose.



As our intrepid reporter Ahn Ser Mi found out while skirting the high-end streets of Kuala Lumpur, many actually failed to read between the lines.



Lu: "They are going to play gasings in space? We are a muhibbah nation, they should be playing go and doing the silamban too!"



Akim: "We have a space program that will eventually lead us to the Astrolympics. Way cool."



Moving on.



The UMNO General Assembly is a mildly respectable event for Malay leaders to air their concerns and views.



Being the majority race with limitless power, it is therefore understandable that these group of people need never be afraid of controversial views.



This offers a unique opportunity to bring true change to the country.



For reasons of brevity and amusement, I will now combine all the most productive and supported views during this illuminating event.



"We must stay strong and united as a single entity under the all uniting banner of Islam and Malay Rights.



We will always allow the freedom of religion for the other races but prevent our own from being contaminated with these inferior religions. After all, Islam is the One and True path to God. All non-Muslims therefore must realise Islam supersedes all other religions and to call it equal in stature would be seditious and detrimental to national harmony.



We must also unite in protecting one of our own. Even though the Datuk erred in his placement of his illegally built palace, we shouldn't let the other races attack him as an attack on him is an attack against UMNO. To our fellow brethren who have joined forces with these people, you are hereby branded traitors and will shortly be visited by the Parliamentary Whip.



Due to the recent uproar over the bumiputra stake, we have also confirmed rumours that our actual target is over 70% control of the nations economy. As soon as this target is reached, we will then aim for 99% control of the nation's economy and not 100% because we know the other races still need the 1% to survive.



We also state our moderate policies are for the benefit of all. For many long years, we have continued to ignore pollution, unsustainable development, and waste management and we strive to continue to ignore these issues so we may all discuss the equal distribution of wealth in this country.



Thank you and long live Tanah Melayu!"



Dead of the Week: 61

Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 944

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Teeth

Contranym, Bandolier, trompe l'oeil, Swill, Lanyard, Hummel.

In our quest to rid this world of evil, this week, A Stray World looks at a recent debate in Malaysia and how they will shape the world for the better; and a frivolous article for reasons known only to me.

  • Bangsa Malaysia: the Ambiguous Dream;
  • The Dissection of Japanese Anime
Courtesy of The Star:

JOHOR BARU: The implementation of a wrongly interpreted concept of Bangsa Malaysia will jeopardise the stability and Constitution of the country, Johor Mentri Besar Datuk Abdul Ghani Othman said.

In his policy speech at the Johor Umno convention, Abdul Ghani questioned the need for the different races in the country to be ethnically diluted or mixed up (dileburkan untuk menjadi rojak) merely for a concept that was still hazy in its meaning.

“After 49 years of Independence, we should be mature enough not to try and introduce vague and unclear concepts.

“The term Bangsa Malaysia continues to be lauded by our friends under the name of unity and understanding without proper thought for its definition,” he said.

He reiterated that even if the term Bangsa Malaysia had to be used, it should be limited to the definition of the people of Malaysia with the Malays as the main race.

Abdul Ghani said that the Constitution did not encompass the concept of Bangsa Malaysia with the only definition of the different races being “Malays, Sarawak and Sabah bumiputeras as well as other races”.


After reading through that, I am inclined to agree that's where we are heading. After all, what's a future without a bit of honest fragmentation.

Don't believe me? Then take a look at the recent US mid-term elections.

Basically, these purveyors of democracy and freedom have produced some of the most racy um... material since the Klu Klux Klan.

There's the Republican ad targeting Harold Ford Jr. which implies black men steal white women from dirty white men.

Now, how different is that from the governments policy of taking a compulsory 30% stake in any non-Malay owned company (which means a non-Malay established the company).

Oh right, one is trying to portray a minority taking a majority while our local version is about the majority stealing from the minority.

See, if a modern developed nation known for democracy actively seeks to divide the people based on their skin colour, what's wrong with doing the same thing here?

Dividing people does have a proven track record. Observe how the good old British Imperialists divided India into India and Pakistan.

Yes, they were oh so right. Gandhi was soooooo wrong. Two people of differing faiths could never co-exist in peace and harmony. You need to cut them up, paint them different shades of yellow ochre, then steal money from one to give to the other.

For that, is the way to harmony.

Moving on.

Independence Day this year was special cubed because of the official launch of Animax.

Without wasting bandwidth, here are my top picks:

Jigoku Shoujo
It means hell girl. The premise is if you have a grudge against someone, for the price of being sent to hell upon death, you may send the said person to hell immediately.

The hooker: What would compel anyone to pay the ultimate price?

The moral lesson: I will never hold a grudge against anyone ever again.


The Law of Ueki
The story: Guy gets power to turn trash into trees by a candidate for God.

Apparently, God is retiring and He has chosen to hold a bizarre competition where tomatoes become lava bombs and foreheads turn into diamonds to choose His successor.

The hooker: Seeing a guy fighting by turning trash into trees.

The moral lesson: Always pick up trash lying on the ground. You never know when it might come in handy.

Gunslinger Girl
The story: A secret Italian government agency "fixes" broken girls; then trains them to become the perfect cyborg killers.

The hooker: We are looking at the perfect killer. Even if one of them is pointing a sub-machine gun in your face, could you shoot a child?

How wrong is that?

The lesson: Many. It's a social satire, you have to see it for yourself.

That's all for now, hope I'm still publishing next week.

Dead of the Week: 15
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 883

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Waking Up

Perfunctory, Lariat, Mirthful, bon vivant, Extirpation, Rector, Quiescent, Libertine, Dissolute, Riposte, Percolate, Callipygian, Internist, Parable, Elision, Pernickety, Oleaginous.

It has been a while, hasn't it. Who would have thought the UPS unit I purchased for my PC wouldn't protect it from a blackout?

But, to quote the Menok-i Khrat:

"...though one be armed with the valour and strength of wisdom and knowledge, yet it is not possible to strive against fate."

I am using a six-year old computer running Windows ME. Statistical data meant the probability of my computer experiencing a nervous breakdown was long overdue.

It amazes me how quickly things have changed since logging out of the cyber world - it took me one week to catch up.

But hey! I am now proudly surfing the web on the spanking-new Firefox 2.0 while writing my blog using the Performancing add-on.

The main draw: A built in spell checker!

Animax has finally arrived on Astro (local satellite broadcasting network), meaning I have nothing more to look forward to in life.

You see, logging off from the Internet forced me to take a break from the sorrows of the world to my own woes.

Your confidence in the inherent "goodness" that lies in this world is pummeled into wood pulp when you realise humanity just doesn't deserve to exist.

Here we are, on the threshold of complete annihilation as a result of mismanaged resources, global warming, famine, extinction and poverty, and all our elders can think about is how much money we will be losing.

It would be wise to remember money is but an abstract representation of power, not the essence of power.

This week, my Form Six end of the year examinations begin - don't wish me good luck.

The entire exercise is as you recall, meaningless work.

I will be striving (actually, my mates will be striving) to earn good results from the MUET, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics and PA papers.

For two years, we will be expected to do nothing but study these subjects.

And by study, I mean no television, no Internet, no books (other than the above mentioned subjects), no friends, no outings, no life.

We certainly are learning a lot.

Dead of the Week: 116
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 868

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