To Fill the Banks

New words: Subedit, Teasel, Repine, Bumptious, Plaice, Slake,Verisimilitude, Stucco, Asinine, Liszt.

I respectfully bequest thy forgiveness, for thou hast been betrayed. Tardiness is inexcusable and I seek the most severest of punishment thou may dream of.

Seriously, I have been quite busy. With the affairs at my tech company at full steam (after a hibernation period long enough to remove Harith Iskandar's barrel of oil), and the inevitable cleanup of my room which has become a top rated 5 star hotel for rats and roaches after the disaster known as the STPM, I find myself starved of time to read my 60 or so e-mails... Let alone blog.

But you aren't here to hear my wimpers about my life... You are here because you are bored out of your mind and someone pushed you with a hot rod up your arse to this site.

I sincerely thank you.

Now, onwards Brother.

Flooding Everywhere as Planned
Last week, A Stray World sent a bunch of my new minions into the new Inbound-Oceans of Malaysia (trademark pending).

Of the six, one was killed by drinking too much bottled water.

The second was killed by irate villagers when he used up the flooded towns only source of energy while charging his laptop to play Warcraft.

The third was dismissed after he began eating the two dead journalists with mayonnaise. The company simply cannot afford to subsidise unhealthy condiments.

The fourth quit to protest the dismissal.

The fifth killed the sixth to claim the cash bounty I offered.

Finally, I had to terminate her because she still watches Survivor.

So of I went alone. Trudging through mudflats and rivers to some flooded village in East Malaysia.

The sight, as usual, was depressing. No open mamak stalls! What a travesty. A few villagers offered me their services for cash, but I declined as the authorities have advised about talking frankly and truthfully with the public.

Not more than six hundred kilometres away, I was warmly greeted by the grossly overpaid nephew of the local state assemblyman at his dry and cosy villa. "This way tuan," ushered the tuxedo toting youth.

With a genuine smile, the assemblyman, Mr Lam Bhat Dah, shook my hands and drew out a wooden chair adorned with ancestral carvings. "So, have you done it?"

"Yeah. I have visited the villagers."

"And?"

"And they pointed me this way."

"Don't joke around. What did you get?"

"I got athlete's foot from trudging though all that water. But don't worry, I don't think you are at any risk."

"Look here!" One finger on my chest, Mr Lam breathing heavily. "Have you delivered the posters?"

"Yes, I can see there is a leech attached to my chest! But what does that have to do with delivering posters for you."

"The general election of course! This is the only real chance I get to show people I actually give a damn!"

""What about actually preventing these floods from occurring in the first place? Wouldn't that show people you care?"

"Of course not. Who the hell remembers which minister forbidding hillside development, illegal logging, and restrictions on riverside developments? The rakyat only remembers the ministers who visit flood victims, fire victims, and heart-transplant patients."

"Are you saying these floods were preventable?"

"Of course they were. Let me tell you something. There are no such things as natural disasters. Only environmental hazards. What we are doing has everything to do with deliberate manipulation of environmental hazards so they may become what we call 'natural disasters'. After that, we can make sweeping proclamations that we are the only people capable of preventing natural disasters."

"Very smart. Thank you Mr Lam. I have delivered your posters, but I think the post office won't deliver the parcels unless you pay them extra. You know, floods and all. Bye"

----------------
Now playing: Yui Horie - LIFE (PV Rip)
via FoxyTunes unhealthy condiments.

Corroded Baby

New Words: Kvetch, Bunting, Orrery, Apotheosis, Emmenagogue, Chevon, Cabrito, Capretto.

This week on A Stray World:

• Proton Persona Revealed, Best Designs Withdrawn;
• Student Rapper Apologizes, Government Declares Victory Over Internet.

The New Car
Unveiling a new model is always a testy affair, as the folks of Proton know really well. Since their revolutionary Gen.2, which has contributed to the success of the company in generating operational losses, the overpaid car designers at Proton have unveiled their most daring take on car design yet, the Persona.

Here's the lowdown of what you could have expected from the people at Proton:

Firstly, the Persona will be the first ever car in the history of Proton to be marginally more comfortable than a bull-carriage with straw padding. After years of annoying user comments, the engineers have finally consented to improving the vehicle's handling so the process of talking on the cellphone with one hand on the wheel while calming the children in the back-seat will now be an easy matter of turning one's attention to the redesigned front seats and fabric-lined door panels. Apparently, internal studies have concluded that listening to user comments about the unattractive design may result in better customer feedback.

Secondly, the Persona was the first ever national car to have an onboard ion engine. This next-next generation system of powering Persona offers the cleanest method possible to wean us off Middle-Eastern oil. Unfortunately, the instant explosion of an engineer who was working on the exhaust pipe caused Proton to revert to the hybrid engine VW lent them for trial purposes. A second mishap however, involving the appointment of inept and short-sighted management, caused the company to reel in this slightly less polluting design as well. This means the new Proton will be running on fossil-fuel until further notice.

Thirdly, the Persona will be the safest drivable Proton car to date. Unlike the cardboard reinforced bamboo paper Wira it will be replacing, the Persona comes armoured in basic aluminium and steel. Making it utterly outstanding in its consistent approach to boring and dead design. While global competitors are exploring space-age material such as lightweight carbon-fibre and nanotech-powered paint, Proton has decided to stay relatively traditional to appeal to Malaysian drivers (their core customers) who enjoy risking their lives and the lives of those fortunate enough to share the experience with them.

Finally, the Persona is only the tip of the proverbial landmines of future Proton cars. Once you step on the accelerator, there is no turning back. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the explosive force that will send you through the viewscreen like manure dipped into liquid nitrogen when you realise the breaks aren't all they are made up to be.

The Apology of the Parody Blogger
The young man who was stupid enough to show his face while singing an ode the the nation to the tune of Negaraku has apologised for the uproar he caused, bringing an end to what could have been a dangerously meaningful debate on corruption in the police force and the relevance of racial policies that mean zilch in the age of globalization.

"Ha, ha. We win," said Mr. P, a government official as he raised his fist in celebration. "This is not just a victory for racial sensitivities, but also for freedom of censorship and power over the Internet, which until this week, was said to be greater than that of the government."

"We have shown them whose the boss. Next item, which really is the previous item, political blogs."

While the optimistic official contemplates whether to break a religious taboo in front of a blogging reporter, I kindly reminded him the video can still be found on many other sites on the web.

"So what. We will shut them down too," said he, even though that's technically impossible as what gets attention on the net, stays on the net. Besides, the new purveyors of the video are smart enough to conceal their identities.

"So what? We will just shut down the Internat," said he, before tucking into a sumptuous meal paid bought using public funds taxed from the people. Steadfastly ignoring any further questions.
----------------
Now playing: Steve Conte - Nowhere and Everywhere
via FoxyTunes

Immeasurable Sympathy

New words: Endogenous, Exogenous, Diegetic, Harangue, Pantheism.

This week on A Stray World:

• 1300 Penang Taxis Strike, Public Stunned by Non-news

Earlier this week, the Penang Federation of Taxi Drivers Association (PFTDA) went on a short lived strike to protest against what they deemed to be unfair harassment from the big men in big suits.

About 1300 cab drivers from the PFTDA showed undying loyalty to the manifestation of the phenomenon which will forever live on as "The Totally Meaningless & Forgettable Day without Penang Cabs". This brotherly loyalty can still be observed today in the taxi driver's staunch stance against taxi metres.

Unfortunately, their efforts and undying love for one another has been in vain, for the majority of the public have completely ignored this event.

"These stupid people and their stupid rules!" Ah Rod bellows, proud cab driver and member of the Taxi Association of Penang Against the Meter (Tax-AssPAiM). "We don't want your stupid rules saying we have use meters and where proper uniforms."

"I own this ruby-red jewel of god," he says, pointing towards a recently repainted Proton Saga. A much celebrated antique model from 1990. "It is my right to wear what I want and to charge as I please for this is MY CAR!"

"Now what do the public know about our plight? Here we are eking out a living by driving you to your destinations in our cars and you have the gall to tell us how we should ask you to pay up and what we should wear?"

"After suffering for so long, we finally organized a strike to tell everyone we won't take this anymore. YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"And what do the public do? They have the bloody nerve to take the bus or carpool to work! We had to end our strike after one day because the public would not support us."

Among the reasons sited for the lack of public support were the absolute non-commitment of commuters to take an unpaid leave to share drinks with taxi drivers at nasi lemak stalls, and ungrateful media reporters who have forgotten the numerous times cab drivers have been asked to "Follow that car!".

A city official though, begs to differ.

"This shows the people are undeniably apathetic towards taxi drivers in Penang," states Encik Some Sudu In. "If they were dependent upon taxis for daily commute, we wouldn't be seeing the great rise in the number of personal transport. And more tellingly, we would have received hundreds of thousands of emails other than spam calling us insensitive pigs for harming the innocent, ever client friendly taxi driver."

These are what some had to say about the strike:

MT, student: "My neighbour is a taxi driver. I don't like him. So I keyed his car while he was on strike."

Veronica, tourist: "I only trust Bali taxis. So I made my boss buy me a car while I was on holiday."

Kim, office clerk: "I usually avoid taxis for no other reason other then my intense dislike of them."

Wong, retired: "I have nothing to do, so sometimes I go into a cab and pretend I am a tourist out to kill someone. The cab drivers will always drop me of halfway without demanding pay. I must admit, one day without blowing their minds is quite intolerable and I hope they don't do it again.

----------------
Now playing: SNoW - NightmaRe (final mix)
via FoxyTunes

Sphere of Nadir

New words: Plamp, Gewgaw, Gimcrack, Pareo, Bandeau.

This week on, A Stray World,

• Malaysians inspired by Iraqi win, plans to commit acts of terror.

This month has seen its fair share of Malaysian sportsmen achieving their fair share of worldly recognition. From Nicol David and her recent double win in less than two weeks, to the abysmal performance of the Malaysian football squad, to the little known Ibrahim bin Amir who progressed to the finals of the Asian 9-Ball tour.

In all the clamour for ratings and attention, it is very apparent that the Malaysian football team wishes to draw as little attention to itself as possible. That will soon change if a group of patriotic students get their way.

"We are going to blow up Parliament," said the spokeswoman for the Death for Football Soccer Club. Clad in a full length burqa and face veil, she juggles what looks like a packet of plastic explosives wrapped in newspaper clippings of fan mail to the Malaysian football team.

"So unambitious," said the man to her right, identified as a nobody insurance salesman. "I am going to destroy Bukit Jalil Stadium. That's sure to make an impact."

You are probably wondering why these mediocre examples of successful Malaysians are planning acts of terror.

"We are great supporters of the Malaysian football team. All my life, I have been a supporter of Penang. I have never watched an English Premiership match and I have never donned the colours of any foreign football club t-shirt," said the burqa clad spokeswoman. "So it was a gut wrenching experience watching our national squad fall to pieces during the Asian Cup. But the good news was, Iraq won the damn tournament!"

"That gave us ideas. Since the Malaysian government is totally useless in building a proper football team, we, the people of Malaysia, will take up arms, like the Iraqis, to build our own brand of tough-as-nails, never-say-die football players."

"We have everything planned out. First, we will destroy or attempt to destroy every single prominent building or structure in Malaysia. Then, suicide bombers will blow themselves up every day at densely populated areas."

"Then, we will plant explosives in the fields of every single stadium in every state. Hopefully, this will result in the dismemberment of the entire football management which will result in extreme chaos that will, with the grace of god, plunge the country into a pseudo-nuclear holocaust."

"Our talented football players will then, have no choice but to pack their bags and ply their trade in other countries like Indonesia, Vietnam, and Thailand. I am sure they will be treated with the minimal respect and dignity United Nations certified asylum seekers expect in this country."

"While we continue our patriotic acts of terror in the Peninsula, our foreign based football players will have garnered enough skill and experienced enough hardship to finally unite as a team for regular training sessions under a foreign coach in Thailand."

"By then, whether they like it or not, they will become the shining beacon of a civil-war torn country. Their every action will be heavily scrutinized, and every win punctuated by deadly gunfire into the heavens."

"Then, they will go on to win the World Cup, which will unite the entire country under the banner of peace through sports."

"Hopefully, I will be able to shed tears of joy when we finally win the coveted trophy four years after we begin our campaign of patriotic destruction."
----------------
Now playing: LAST ALLIANCE - Shissou
via FoxyTunes

The Simple

New words: Callow, graven, atheromatous, vituperative, recidivist, omerta, boondocks, avuncular, pastiche.

This week on A Stray World:

• Little to none women reps, because they don't care what men say,
• Refugees celebrate World Refugee Day, thoughts and comments.

First Issue
Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil noted the record low numbers of women involved in politics.

For the record, it's:

• 9.6% of Parliament;

• 25% of Dewan Negara;

• 6.9% of state assemblies;

• 12.5% of local authorities; and

• 7.6% of board members of Bursa listed companies.

Proactive steps have been suggested to increase their numbers, but first, we must identify the reason behind the lack of boobs on the board.

Interviews with Mrs Dama, a housewife, suggests it has to do with the men.

“They are callow idiots,” she begins with vicious tenacity. “I have thirteen children and what does my god-damn husband do? He goes and ***** another woman.”

But surely this has nothing to do with Parliament.

“Let me set the record straight,” Mrs Dama said. “I have to handled thirteen bawling children at home with no support from the ******* **** in his ******* *** smoking his ******* weed. Now you are asking me if I want to talk to another hundred or so men trapped in a windowless room without soap operas and television so I can at least pretend I am listening? I think not.”

“What my mother is trying to say is the men in there are just pieces of meat to her,” interjects Susi, the eldest daughter. “You see, my dad treats my mum like the sex toy she was expected to be. So you must understand her less than tolerant attitude towards the MPs who can conjure up classical sexist jokes on the spot in front of the national body of governance.”

The interview was terminated prematurely because the half-naked father who had just woken up was demanding beef stew for lunch. Needless to say, I left before the wife slaughtered the family cow.

Is this true? Do women avoid managerial positions because to them, men are just pieces of meat? They are not worth the time of effort?

“Look, we can't have women leaders because they are distracting,” said KG, a Parliamentarian. “Those bouncing balls in sacks are just too enticing, they make me forget what I am going to say. Every time someone raises an issue and a woman MP responds, I can do nothing else but try and picture her naked. Can you really blame us for making sexist jokes? We are healthy, adult males.”

However, leaders of the nation are expected to be more... mature, about the situation. Surely the old men in power are... 'steadier' than the average Malaysian man.

“We are not 'steady',” KG responded. “Look, there is a reason why UMNO, MCA, MIC and the rest of the gang have women divisions. It's to get them working for us, but never us working for them. We don't have to see them, we don't have to hear them. But we get to joke about them and during the annual party conventions, hit on them. This arrangement also virtually ensures the next president of any party, and subsequently, the Prime Minister, will be a man.”

“Proper women are like toilet seats,” he concludes. “They should learn to support us and take our crap. Not make their own crap.”

Second Issue
At an unknown moment in time during this week, some people celebrated World Refugee Day. Because our former intrepid reporter, Ahn Ser Mi, died from bird flu during an interview with the H5N1 virus, we have replaced her with Ahn Ser Yu, her sister.

This week, Ahn Ser Yu interviews a bunch of KL kids regarding the aforementioned celebration.

Ahn Ser Yu: World Refugee Day. Your thoughts?

Kid 1: What kind of holiday is that?

Ahn: It's not a holiday. At least, not holiday celebrated here in Malaysia.

Kid 2: I know what it's about. It's about people who are refugees. That like, some kind of deviant teaching.

Ahn: Not at all. They don't exactly welcome the refugee status.

Kid 1: So they have been forced into it! Why hasn't anyone called the police?

Kid 2: Don't worry, I have them on speed dial (dials a number on his mobile phone).

Ahn: When I say refugees, I mean people who have ran away from oppressive governments or some other situation that has forced them to leave their homes behind. Like the Karens from Myanmar.

Kid 1: Are you serious? They couldn't spread their deviant teachings in their homes. So they came here to do the devils bidding instead.

Ahn: You aren't listening.

Kid 2: Hey don't worry. I just got off the phone. Apparently the Malaysian government doesn't support the refugees who enter this country although it's a UN thing. In fact, we actively seek to extradite them.

Kid 1: Yeah. That's cool.

Ahn: Kids. I was born into a family of refugees.

Under mysterious circumstances, both KL kids were found dead in a drain a few days after the interview. Ahn Ser Yu claims she was eating beef stew at the time of the incident.

Politically correct profanity:

Instead of “shit storm”,try the more gentile “stinking rain”.

Bird & Beats

New words: Monomania, Feckless, Uppity, Bastinado.

This week on A Stray World:

• Bahasa Melayu becomes Bahasa Malaysia, Group Urges Government to Stick to Bahasa;
• Bird Flu Hits Selangor, Deciding to Skip Penang for Health Reasons;
• Dear Prime Minister.

Issue 1
After careful deliberation between a cup of kopi-O and Milo ais, the Man has decided to rename Bahasa Melayu to Bahasa Malaysia, which in a twist, is actually a reinstatement of its former name, which in itself was a rebranding of the original name, which incidentally came from the same language that spawned Bahasa Indonesia.

Confused? Don't be, because for a nominal fee, you can now join the elite group of citizens comprising 99% of the population (the statistics have to right, because they come from uninformed guesses) who don't know anything about it.

“For years I have been calling it Bahasa, because saying the full six syllables reminds me of the devil, and my boss is hell, in the literal sense” says Mr. D, a witchdoctor currently teaching metaphysics at Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM). “Do you know that all of my students refer to it as Bahasa as well? I don't rally see why I should start uttering the full title.”

“Yeah, I agree,” says Faz, a metaphysics student who sells herbal remedies in USM. “Malaysia and Melayu are both three syllable words. They are a mouthful to pronounce. Just look at the Australians. They call themselves Aussies because it's so much easier on the tongue.”

“I did some maths,” a bespectacled young lady enthusiastically chips in.

“It takes one extra second to say Malaysia or Melayu and three more seconds to write it down on our exam sheets. If we have to write on average 30 Bahasa Malaysia in each exams, we will have wasted 90 seconds per exam. Multiply this by 4 and we have wasted 360 seconds. We spend at least twelve studying before coming to university. That's 4320 seconds of our lives gone down the drain. And I haven't even factored in the times we spent writing the extra words in our essays and practice sheets.”

“Now do you see the REAL PROBLEM?” quips Mr D. “That is why we will take this opportunity to announce the foundation of a new NGO. We call ourselves the No-Ma-No-Me, the No Malaysia No Melayu.”

“Our agenda is to get the official policy makers to use only, and exclusively, the term "Bahasa" as the official reference to the most spoken language in Malaysia,” says Faz.

When queried on how this would benefit the nation, they responded: “The reduction in the writing of this long winded but commonly used term will reduce the risk of carpal tunnel syndrome, especially in the writing of an essay of the national language, by two hours.”

“Besides, it aids nation building by allowing the Malays and non-Malays to stake their claim on the language equally because of the apparent neutrality of the word” adds Mr D.

Who knows, maybe one day we too will remove the “Eng” from “English” because of the need to place our stake on that language as well.

Issue 2
Bird flu has struck Malaysia, killing an indefinite number of chickens in Sungai Buluh, Selangor. However, one is puzzled as to how this disease managed to slip through the Northern States without leaving a large number of dead birds behind.

A Stray World now presents an exclusive interview with a genetic expression of the H5N1 virus who calls him/herself Alex.

Field correspondent Ahn-Ser-Mi reports.

Ahn: Good morning Alex?
Alex: ...
Ahn: Um, so why did you skip the Northern States to go straight for Selangor?
Alex: Me... Alex.
Ahn: Yes we have established that, Alex. Why did you decide on Selangor first?
Alex: No... You Alex, me Jesse.
Ahn: (Ahem!) Okay. If you insist, you can call me Alex and I will call you Jesse.
Alex: No, no, no! Me Alex. You Jesse. You Charlie.
Ahn: (Ahem) Sorry I have to blow my nose.
Alex: This Petri dish too small for all of us. I leave. No, I leave! I leave as well! Leave! Leave!Leave!
Ahn: Somebody help! I think I am dying.

Interview suspended due to death of reporter:

Ahn-Ser-Mi (2006 – 2007)

Issue 3
A hearty congratulations to Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi for his marriage to Jeanne Abdullah. No cynicisms or ironies attached. I am genuinely happy for you.

Alternative Profanity: Instead of “asshole”, try “proximal chasm”.

Cold and Wet

New words: Fillip, Caulk, Gunwale, Apercu, Callisthenics.

This week on A Stray World:

• What men think women want men to think what women should wear;
• What Parliament Thinks of Members of Parliament;
• Substitute Profanity of the Week.

Issue 1
We come back to the alleged issue of discrimination once more, against the fairer sex. This topic has been explored before, but then, I did it from an egalitarian socialist point of view.

Now, for the benefit of macho men out there who think women should be seen (preferably covered with black window curtains), I bring you: Mr. Makan Kaki.

"Women are naturally modest. And besides, we are Asian. We shouldn't be pressured to follow the corrupt Westerners with their short-stringed bikinis and low cut tops," opines Mr. Makan Kaki, a fictional representation of the Malaysian macho man.

"But sir," I said, "Don't Orang Asli women whose ancestors have lived on this land for many generations wear almost nothing but loincloths and beads? Surely that's an Asian culture."

"They must have inherited it from the West," retorts the red-faced Mr. Makan Kaki, "They are immigrants from the Burmese region of Asia. Any map will show that region lies to the West of Malaysia."

"And besides. Those women know their place in society now after the Malays emigrated en-mass into the Malay Peninsular from Sumatera," continues our affable friend. "Back then, these women had equal rights as men in inheritance, power, knowledge, respect and social status as men. They even had the right to walk about half-naked and reject suitors! What kind of sick society was that?"

"Luckily, the new immigrants brought with them paternal rights and they instilled those values into those women."

"But sir," I began with good reason, "By 'instilling their value' as you say, they began pillaging the villages, killing the men, raping the women, and capturing women and children to be used as sex slaves. This trading of humans didn't come to an end until the British came to power."

"They knew nothing about us! They destroyed our culture!" he spluttered. "They removed our Sultans from power and tried to give equal rights to every one with their Malayan Union nonsense. If it weren't for the rise of national consciousness, who knows what our nation would be like today?"

"But didn't the Malays did the same thing when they established Melaka and subsequently proceeded to invade Orang Asli territory? Didn't they 'destroy culture' as well?"

"Oh don't be so high and mighty. You Chinese did it too when you came here with your opium," snapped Makan Kaki. with increasing ferocity "At least we gave them religion."

"I admit, my ancestors did unsavoury things as well," said I "By the way, your point also brings up something interesting as well... You just acknowledged your immigrant status as well. Besides the fact the Orang Asli had a belief system of their own as well which the Malays tried to wash away with Islam after the raping and enslaving."

At this point in the interview. I found myself with a royal keris stuck 12 centimetres deep into my abdomen. Needless to say, I died a horrible death.

Issue 2
What do you mean I didn't die?!? Don't you know how much I was looking forward to it?

Anyway, our next session begins with Parliament.

"So Parliament, what do you think of our elected representatives?" I questioned the august building.

"Their are smart MPs and polite MPs.
Stupid MPs and rude MPs.
There are greedy MPs and generous MPs.
There are hard-working MPs and lazy MPs.
There is a disabled MP and able-bodied MPs.
There are women and there are children MPs.
But at the end of the day,
The elected representatives,
are your MPs."

Issue 3

Beginning this week, I will start giving suggestions for popular profanity.

Today, I feature the rather mild: "Holy shit!"

Instead of "Holy shit!", try "Ecclesiastical excrement!"

That all for the end of the week.

As the Jahai say: The spirits are are listening. The Earth is listening. The people are listening. Be well.

Hard Knocks

Swale, Trellis, Arbour, Riposte, Peripatetic, Battue, Creel, Pekoe, Deke, Mastic, Chancre, Calcifuges, Fetid, Nadir, Alarum, Tipple, Atavistic.

This week's edition of A Stray World features:

• The buildings of Malaysia

The inherent architecture of a country is a mirror of public consciousness.

As the majestically decadent structures of Paris represent her people's obsession with the luxuries of life over the plights of the impoverished, stark contrasts are seen with the single-story circular buildings of old Beijing streets emphasising family unity over outward opulence.

What then can be said about the buildings of Malaysia, which admittedly, can't boast much in terms of history, as most of the historical buildings are in the process of being torn down, if not in severe disrepair?

It is by choice, by the dictation of the voice of greed that our seniors in power have chosen to build over the old with supposedly modern infrastructures of development. As we compete with our enemies, imagined or otherwise, to build the tallest towers as a symbol of class and culture, it would do to take note that in Italy, the arguable centre of fashion and lifestyle, some cities have enacted rules forbidding buildings to grow beyond a certain height.

Enactments in place before the advent of skyscrapers!

Does modernization hold the chains of hope for this land, or will it be the anchor that pulls us all into a quagmire of cultural monotony?

In little less than one month, no less than four reports have been filed on our pride and joy, the modern buildings of governance, of breaking under the weight of time.

Barely a decade into service and cracks have broken through the ceilings, burst pipes have flooded entire floors, and red-faced ministers have spluttered out blame on anyone but themselves.

Apparently, maintenance of the structures is one of the reasons, though correctly pointed out, not the chief reason. Which begs the question, what form of government would employ lazy monkeys to staple water pipes into administrative buildings?

It is an open secret government contracts are given to bumiputera contractors simply for being bumiputeras. When that happens every single day, every month, for every year since the NEP, you can't blame these people for shucking the responsibility for the job.

After all, if you possess the distinct advantage of living on the sale of personal responsibility, wouldn't you be tempted too?

The government has taken note too, seeing from their press statements in Malay entrepreneur development forums and whatnots.

Not surprisingly, nothing has been implemented so far to fix the broken sprocket. Policies have to take the racial factor into account. While an egalitarian solution is definitely preferable, election results won't reflect the satisfaction derived from strong, long-lasting structures of governance.

It is with sad reflection that old wooden kampung houses in rural areas have outlasted modern plastic and PVC.

Why is that the case? Perhaps the only satisfying answer lies with the builder.

At the end of the day, we are left with nothing more than the hope that these buildings will outlast their creators, to serve a future generation as well as they are serving the present one.

I(m)jok(ing)

Ethology, Antiphonal, Polyamory, Kinesics, Divigate, Tangentially, Sinecure, Halcyon, Rapacious.

This week on A Stray World, we explore, by-elections!

The bane of humanity, governance.

Where there are people, there exists hierarchy. The only difference is the form of hierarchy. In this instance, it is known as democracy, though kakistocracy does come to mind.

Through a fortunate series of events known as 'hitsuzen' we have enjoyed the staging of two by-elections within the span of two months.

First the Batu Talam by-election.

Let's see. Citizens deprived of a great leader. Check.
A multi-racial contractual party contests again. Check.
A Chinese majority opposition party that is multi-racial in principle. Check.

Looks like a clear cut victory for the good guys then. After all, they came in promising lots and lots of goodies and swag, stuff you would never receive if you voted for the DAP.

Watching TV3's Berita Utama, all I heard were good things about the Barisan Nasional while the reporters painted the opposition as inept simpletons out to "raise issues for votes".

To quote Datuk Fictional: "Don't vote for the opposition. The rakyat knows only the BN can bring developement to the people. We have so many component parties representing all the various races led by the very capable UMNO."

"The only thing the opposition knows how to do well, and very well they do so, is to raise issues in Parliament, Now what use is that to the government to raise issues in Parliament? They should kow-tow to us for even allowing them to speak in our godly presence."

"Once again, I say, vote for the mega-super-party BN. Because your constituency will only receive funds for developement if you vote for us."

Well, that was what he said telepathically.

Truth be told, my trust in all forms of media has been reduced to "edit" status, where my mind does its own reconstruction of events portrayed, sans the patriotic messages.

Every moment in time The Star reports on the sanctity of the Barisan Nasional, I flip the page. I would not have done that if they gave a balanced account of the opposition parties at the same time.

Prime example: Kelantan.

I was surprised by a sudden article on the Islamic state by The Star a few months back. The state government actually gives land rights to the non-Malays. Couple this with my own National Service experience, where those opposed to my views of a fair-and-square policy were not opposed, if not downright supported by my Kelantanes friend there, I can safely conclude Kelantan is more Malaysian (in terms of equal rights) than the BN can ever be.

To Ijok, and the same issues are being played about.

What's interesting this time is the amount of goodies promised by the government. Sudden unveiling of grand development projects and promises to fix long damaged public amenities come to fore, provided the people vote for the ruling coalition.

And there you have it.

A supreme ruling party with no suitable challenger steam-rolling and browbeating every one else into rakyat-layered kaya. I see little reason to register as a voter, since the only choice I have is the only choice given.

Defiance/Compliance

Bivouac, Middlemarch, Shindy, Fatalist, Enid, Mauser, Mien, Escudo, Ordinal.

As the general Malaysian blogosphere knows, a few Malaysian politicians age twenty something and above has been throwing about choice words regarding the Malaysian blog community.

A quick recap:

Politician A claimed most bloggers were unemployed women and blah blah blah.

Politician B called for the registration of all Malaysian bloggers.

Politician C, and D, and E, and F, and G... ad infinitum, agree with one or the other.

There is a common consensus among the politicians (in power) that the views of people who are considered 'extremist' or 'a threat to social harmony' expressing opinions that offer nothing more than a drop of oil into the ocean that is the Internet, should be printed and shredded to strips of paper noodles.

Since we all know the government is all about social harmony, besides being a bunch of people who take our money whether we like them or not, it is relatively inevitable the Barisan Nasional govenment will start a nationwide drive to register bloggers in Malaysia.

How will they carry out this form of intellectual suppression?

I can only guess it will start with a voluntary program at the beginning of the year, where Malaysian bloggers will be invited to add their names to a growing database for a Malaysian Book of Records entry, because the only other motivation involves money and free food, which would be contrary to the government's healthy lifestyle drive.

The devious plot thus carried out, the government will then release statistical figures manipulated so it would seem Malaysia is the number one country in blogs per hundred citizens.

Very soon, there will remain only a hardcore group of bloggers hosting their puny sites of resistance on American servers with the paranoia of Fox Mulder and Gregory House.

They will form an online cult dedicated to the preaching of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Expression. Twin gods considered illegal by the National Fatwa Council, who will issue a verdict: "We condemn any online activity of any kind involved in the spread of lies, slander, and inconvenient truths which most people are smart enough to distinguish anyway."

"This is a further expansion to the trading of stocks online, which is completely unacceptable although it is not much different from trading stock in the Bursa Saham."

"Haram. Absolutely 150,000,000% haram."

Here then is a brief guide to all bloggers out there who will one day, meet expensively dressed government officers with gold laptops at your doorstep asking for your DNA sample:

1. If they ask you if you are a blogger, answer 'yes' if you are female and 'no' if you are male. This will appeal to their logic and hopefully, result in a less violent treatment of your anus once you are safely hidden behind concrete walls.
2. If you are given a form to fill, add as many details as possible. If your name is a continuous strings of 'son of', make sure you add the names of your grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather... for at least two hundred generations. If you are asked to fill in your address, fill in your work address, your parent's address, your girlfriend's/boyfriend's/partner's/mistresses'/married-sex-partner's/ex-wives' address, the Prime Minister's residence, your Parliamentary representative, and your home address.
   The logic behind this is the known fact that government bureaucracy will result in the most detailed forms being filed under the "We will look at them after a decade cabinet".
3. Don't have children. They might want to become the government servants wearing expensive Armani suits paid for by grumpy taxpayers.

I am really looking forward to the government clamping down on us bloggers, really I am! Just to see how badly their screw up taxpayer money this time.