My monitor flickered,
Then it whimpered,
Before it turned black,
Now hit the sack!
Folks, I'm sorry. But its nigh impossible for me to update my post with a dead monitor. So until then, A Stray World will be on hold.
Unless of course, someone out there wishes to contribute articles.
Only requirement:
You have to write parodies.
Happy non-denominational Winter Holidays and a Happy New Year.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Fashionable Joys
Poulaines, Egress, Ingress.
This week on A Stray World:
From the day I was born, badminton has always occupied a special place in my heart, even after my friendly neighbours actively isolated me from their social activities which included the sport.
For the first few years, I grew up with the mistaken impression that my generation's badminton players were world beaters. However, 18 long years of defeat after defeat (with occasional, rare victories) has left me understandably, less than hopeful of a success in Doha.
Every time I read "Malaysia hopes to avoid China" in the sports section of The Star, I can't help voicing my thoughts out loud: "If we are world beaters, why must we actively seek avoiding the strong teams?"
Fortunately, the wait for genuine success finally ended for me early this morning.
The young pair of Koo Kien Keat - Tan Boon Heong clinched gold in the doubles event; after destroying the world champions from China, and two formidable and respected Indonesian pairs.
Genuine success! I haven't felt this happy since the Republicans lost the mid-term elections.
Though it was almost two hours after midnight, I was punching and kicking the air with every point earned, earned!
Congratulations to the lads! I hope this won't be a one time only performance. Remember Hafiz and the All-England Tournament?
Back to stately affairs, we focus our lenses on Kelantan, the most Taliban-like state in Malaysia.
Due to intolerable fashion sense, the Kota Baru Municipal Council (KBMC) has taken the unenviable task of fining repeat offenders.
"These women are courting disaster," said a low ranking official from the KBMC. "When I was Afghanistan, the women dressed in-season all year round. Their all black and all blue burqas were stunning to say the least. The heavy black cloth covered every square centimetre of their body, hiding their feet, eyes and hair."
When pointed out these raiment were standard attire ever since the Taliban regime came to power, he had this to say: "Don't you know, black burqas have been the in-thing for the past 10 years. We are only trying to catch up."
He continued: "The things women wear these days are completely disrespectful to Islam. The clothes they wear now are clearly too comfortable. We men of Kelantan have to avert our eyes whenever one of these prostitutes strays in front of us. While the t-shirt, skirt, jeans, headscarf and Mickey Mouse socks cover the skin, we can identify them from the bulges in the fabric that they are female. We want to ensure these women resemble walking bedsheets as much as possible to prevent them from becoming objects of beauty and desire.
Ultimately, we want them to follow our commands so they won't be attacked or raped by law-abiding men. The fact that we are even talking about this subject shows how much we care about the dignity and respect of women.
Ask yourself, don't you think the men of Al-Qaeda are a lucky bunch when they don't have hear that utterly hateful question: Honey, do I look fat in this dress?"
On a separate note, Google Trends just released a report on porn related search in Malaysia.
Evidently, Kota Baru and Kuantan top the list for most porn related search.
State officials have taken this opportunity to congratulate themselves on not just bridging the technological gap between the traditionally backward East Coast states and West Coast states, but trumping the West for the very first time.
"We are so proud of ourselves, we couldn't have achieved this without everybody's contribution," said a state religious official. "For may years, I have always whipped my sons whenever I see them looking at naked women, now I regret those awful moments... Knowing now I should have been more supportive of his behaviour.
"I know. I will begin browsing those sites too from today onwards," said another state official. "The report even says Kelantanese use English terms such as 'sex' and 'porn' while the other states only use Malay terms. Some states even displays specific searches targeting Malay women. This shows the people of Kota Baru, the first Islamic City in Malaysia, are more open-minded than the people in other states. This also vindicates our state governments active gender discrimination policy, which seeks to wipe out women or anything resembling the female anatomy from the streets of Kelantan."
There are, however, a few disgruntled voices from the Kelantanese.
"I don't go for porn," a bold teenager stated. "My dad and his pals have been doing it for years. Ever since the state government issued edicts preventing my mother from undressing, my father and other husbands have been forced to 'seek the female form' elsewhere."
"They tried Thai prostitutes," he continued, "but the state government arrested him. Now he knows better, he surfs for porn using my Internet account."
Dead of the Week: 14
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 976
This week on A Stray World:
- Storming Doha, Koo Kien Keat - Tan Boon Heong;
- KBMC No Longer Tolerates Indecent Dressing, Fines for Out of Season Attires;
- Kota Baru, Kuantan Most Porn Surfers, State Governments Declare Success.
From the day I was born, badminton has always occupied a special place in my heart, even after my friendly neighbours actively isolated me from their social activities which included the sport.
For the first few years, I grew up with the mistaken impression that my generation's badminton players were world beaters. However, 18 long years of defeat after defeat (with occasional, rare victories) has left me understandably, less than hopeful of a success in Doha.
Every time I read "Malaysia hopes to avoid China" in the sports section of The Star, I can't help voicing my thoughts out loud: "If we are world beaters, why must we actively seek avoiding the strong teams?"
Fortunately, the wait for genuine success finally ended for me early this morning.
The young pair of Koo Kien Keat - Tan Boon Heong clinched gold in the doubles event; after destroying the world champions from China, and two formidable and respected Indonesian pairs.
Genuine success! I haven't felt this happy since the Republicans lost the mid-term elections.
Though it was almost two hours after midnight, I was punching and kicking the air with every point earned, earned!
Congratulations to the lads! I hope this won't be a one time only performance. Remember Hafiz and the All-England Tournament?
Back to stately affairs, we focus our lenses on Kelantan, the most Taliban-like state in Malaysia.
Due to intolerable fashion sense, the Kota Baru Municipal Council (KBMC) has taken the unenviable task of fining repeat offenders.
"These women are courting disaster," said a low ranking official from the KBMC. "When I was Afghanistan, the women dressed in-season all year round. Their all black and all blue burqas were stunning to say the least. The heavy black cloth covered every square centimetre of their body, hiding their feet, eyes and hair."
When pointed out these raiment were standard attire ever since the Taliban regime came to power, he had this to say: "Don't you know, black burqas have been the in-thing for the past 10 years. We are only trying to catch up."
He continued: "The things women wear these days are completely disrespectful to Islam. The clothes they wear now are clearly too comfortable. We men of Kelantan have to avert our eyes whenever one of these prostitutes strays in front of us. While the t-shirt, skirt, jeans, headscarf and Mickey Mouse socks cover the skin, we can identify them from the bulges in the fabric that they are female. We want to ensure these women resemble walking bedsheets as much as possible to prevent them from becoming objects of beauty and desire.
Ultimately, we want them to follow our commands so they won't be attacked or raped by law-abiding men. The fact that we are even talking about this subject shows how much we care about the dignity and respect of women.
Ask yourself, don't you think the men of Al-Qaeda are a lucky bunch when they don't have hear that utterly hateful question: Honey, do I look fat in this dress?"
On a separate note, Google Trends just released a report on porn related search in Malaysia.
Evidently, Kota Baru and Kuantan top the list for most porn related search.
State officials have taken this opportunity to congratulate themselves on not just bridging the technological gap between the traditionally backward East Coast states and West Coast states, but trumping the West for the very first time.
"We are so proud of ourselves, we couldn't have achieved this without everybody's contribution," said a state religious official. "For may years, I have always whipped my sons whenever I see them looking at naked women, now I regret those awful moments... Knowing now I should have been more supportive of his behaviour.
"I know. I will begin browsing those sites too from today onwards," said another state official. "The report even says Kelantanese use English terms such as 'sex' and 'porn' while the other states only use Malay terms. Some states even displays specific searches targeting Malay women. This shows the people of Kota Baru, the first Islamic City in Malaysia, are more open-minded than the people in other states. This also vindicates our state governments active gender discrimination policy, which seeks to wipe out women or anything resembling the female anatomy from the streets of Kelantan."
There are, however, a few disgruntled voices from the Kelantanese.
"I don't go for porn," a bold teenager stated. "My dad and his pals have been doing it for years. Ever since the state government issued edicts preventing my mother from undressing, my father and other husbands have been forced to 'seek the female form' elsewhere."
"They tried Thai prostitutes," he continued, "but the state government arrested him. Now he knows better, he surfs for porn using my Internet account."
Dead of the Week: 14
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 976
Sunday, December 03, 2006
See the Light
Scoliosis, modus vivendi, Dialectics, Assignation, Simoon, Tarn, Idolatrous.
This week, on A Stray World:
Modern society is a pain in the perineum. Therefore, it is understandable why people would slip into the comforting cot of religion to seek solace and meaning to the inanities of life.This week, on A Stray World:
- Rufaqa Corp, a Study of a Study.
Religion, no doubt, has been a huge contributor to humanity's follies, and successes.
Follies:The crusades, Al-Qaeda, Iraq, Tamil Tigers, Pope Benedict and his misquoted reading of the evils of Islam.
Successes:Mother Theresa, Dalai Lama.
As they say, things come and go, and that has been the way in the evolution of religion. First came deitified inanimate objects, e.g., Ayer's Rock. Then, god organizations, e.g., Zeus, his wife Hera, his children, stepchildren, brothers and sisters etc.
Finally, we were introduced to the soloists.
After a few thousand years of warfare as a direct result of religious differences, we have finally found peace in warfare as a direct result of religious differences.
It is therefore, quite understandable why the powers that be would wish to put an end to the development of new religions.
As ancient history has shown, how the image of Buddha was adopted from the Greek god Apollo, Al-Arqam adopted an image of Islam.
Al-Arqam, and its succesor, Rufaqa' Corporation, are centred around Ashaari bin Muhammad bin Idris bin Ali bin Malae bin Abdul Kadir (AbMbIbAbMbAK).
According to his personal website on www.rufaqa.com, AbMbIbAbMbAK was a person born of noble blood, which means no cattle blood had ever been introduced into his family, unlike the rest of us.
Apparently, a well known but unheard of teacher of Islam predicted after his death, all of us would be as aimless as motherless chicks until the appearence someone named Ashaari...
After a few decades, a boy was born, and he was named Ashaari after daddy dreamt about an island. He grew up in the unmodernized village of Kampung Pilin.
Just like the ancient fable of racial unity through selected injustice the government has foisted onto us, Pilin was an untouched Utopia. Here, in a rural impoverished stretch of dirt where any hope of watching The Sound of Music died like birds with SARS, the villager's children are equally shared.
Everyone in the village was a parent, and any child may be apprehended and beaten while tied to the end of an ox.
In abject poverty, these people would cannibalize the weak until trees bore fruit, where they would become docile creatures upholding the traditional Malaysian values of giving and sharing the bounty.
By the time AbMbIbAbMbAK was 17, he had learnt everything he needed to know about life in a creepy rural village.
He went to the best school he could think of, pre-9/11 Arabian school. After attaining his Certificate of Enlightenment, AbMbIbAbMbAK decided it was time he became a leader to all the motherless chicks in Miami.
A wrongly purchased plane ticket later, AbMbIbAbMbAK set foot on the godless land of Malaysia, where he began running his "true path of God" business through Al-Arqam.
Soon, the Malaysian government and their misguided Islamic arm declared AbMbIbAbMbAK's teachings as deviationist, and with the grace of another god, pulverized Al Arqam in 1994.
AbMbIbAbMbAK though was a man possessed. He would not give up his vision of leading motherless chicks. Rufaqa' Corporation was established in 1997, and by practising the tenets found in God's Guide to Business for the Carzy and Maimed, saw his company grow by 1000% every year (at the expense of a few praiseworthy people who willingly parted with their life savings for a reach-god-quick-scheme).
Rufaqa expanded worldwide, and held nasheed concerts throughout the world. Even Prime Minister John Howard was touched by the soul enhancing and human illuminating concerts in Australia.
Rufaqa also busied itself holding brainwashing camps for young men and women and creating AbMbIbAbMbAK approved developments throughout the country.
It has also launched a book detailing the miraculous birth and life of AbMbIbAbMbAK, handicraft approved by AbMbIbAbMbAK, herbs patented by AbMbIbAbMbAK and AbMbIbAbMbAK friendly tourist packages.
So after exhibiting nothing but excellent acumen in business and a life lived in the image of god, the government has seen fit to shut AbMbIbAbMbAK down once more.
But fret not, like that cynical god-bashing skeptic who believes in the natural predisposition for all living things to freely select mates with preferable traits to be passed on to their children and eventually incorporated into the species so they may adapt more successfully into their environment, AbMbIbAbMbAK will be back.
Dead of the Week: 11
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 962
Rufaqa expanded worldwide, and held nasheed concerts throughout the world. Even Prime Minister John Howard was touched by the soul enhancing and human illuminating concerts in Australia.
Rufaqa also busied itself holding brainwashing camps for young men and women and creating AbMbIbAbMbAK approved developments throughout the country.
It has also launched a book detailing the miraculous birth and life of AbMbIbAbMbAK, handicraft approved by AbMbIbAbMbAK, herbs patented by AbMbIbAbMbAK and AbMbIbAbMbAK friendly tourist packages.
So after exhibiting nothing but excellent acumen in business and a life lived in the image of god, the government has seen fit to shut AbMbIbAbMbAK down once more.
But fret not, like that cynical god-bashing skeptic who believes in the natural predisposition for all living things to freely select mates with preferable traits to be passed on to their children and eventually incorporated into the species so they may adapt more successfully into their environment, AbMbIbAbMbAK will be back.
Dead of the Week: 11
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 962
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