Winter Wonders

Chiffon, Organza, Basque, Vellum, Avant-garde, Ombudsman, Aberrant.

The Torino Winter Games have been nothing short of spectacular to this Winter Olympics newbie.

Sure, I do find speed skating as boring as any of the summer games’ track and field events and I fell asleep halfway into the luge programme.

This week’s blog will almost entirely be devoted to the winter games and how I find myself the only guy among my family and friends following the games’ progress.

Let’s start with my co-favourite sport in the winter games – curling.

To Peter out there who is now presumably smirking (or exclaiming) at the previous sentence, I have a phrase for you – no coffee.

The women’s curling final featured two teams, the classic underdog Switzerland led by the cool and calm Mirjam Ott; and the World Champions, European Champions and now Olympic Champions – Sweden.

The game started at 0030 hours and ended at 0400 hours.

Normally, for a game that long (listened to using headphones so as not to bother the family), I would be brewing some extra thick mocha-coffee to keep me awake throughout the night but would you believe it – I didn’t (and this from a guy who can get a good night’s sleep despite the espresso).

Not even a yawn.

A game of curling has 10 ends followed by additional ends if the game is tied. This game went down to the wire – the final stone of the 11^th end by the Swedish skipper.

The game started of with both teams evenly matched and ended at halftime with an interesting score of 3-2 with Sweden holding the slight advantage.

The second half of the game was nothing short of dramatic.

During Switzerland’s last stone of one of the ends played by Mirjam Ott, the stone experienced a pickup as the match commentators called it. The stone, which was sliding towards the intended target, suddenly curled prematurely and Ott’s stone collided with a Swedish guardstone, thereby surrendering a point to the Swedes.

According to the match commentators, a pickup occurs because of imperfections in the ice, which may be caused by - get this - hair, fluff, sand or any other imperfections in the ice!

If my memory serves me correct, the score became 6-2 (or was it 5-2?) at the 7^th end.

Either way, it was a great mountain to climb for the Swiss (like being 3 goals down at the 80^th minute in a football match) and their response was nothing short of miraculous.

Faced with a seemingly insurmountable barrier, the Swiss looked to their leader, skipper Mirjam Ott.

What happened next cannot be adequately described in words.

Ott didn’t seem any different from the outset, but there was an aura of invincibility about her after the unfortunate pickup. Her teammates, catching the invincibility virus, started drawing incredibly accurate and unbelievable shots. Even the crowd, which had been rather subdued, started screaming, shouting and screaming: “Ott’s Team! Ott’s Team!”

The Swiss managed to narrow the gap to 6-4.

Despite the Swede’s best efforts to hold them of, Ott’s incredibly sublime final stone at the 10^th end drew the match!

11^th end.

Ott managed to place two stone in the home with no other rival stones anywhere in it. It was up to the Swedes to either win the game or lose it.

The crowd, which comprised three factions: the Swiss, the Swedes, and the neutrals; were screaming their heads off.

Loud chants of “Ott’s Team!” were answered by screaming Swedes, which in turn drove the neutrals into choosing a side.

You could hear a pin drop when the Swedish skipper took her place.

The ice queen delivered – and made a double takeout (not the kind at McDonalds), removing both Swiss stones with her stone the remaining tenant.

Yup, there you have it. A heart-pounding match which, interestingly, didn’t bring tears to my eyes as they would if my truly favourite team losses.

The simple and only answer is because the Swiss played like champions, and their skipper Mirjam Ott earning a place of worship that I have up to now, only allocated to Himura Kenshin and Jon Stewart, for never wavering or surrendering under great odds.

My other co-favourite sport during the Winter Games can only be ice-skating.

As the saying goes: “It’s a one of a kind.”

Ice-skating is a combination of beauty, grace, artistry, individuality, skill, stamina, and rhythm. I can assure you, gymnastic, the summer equivalent of ice-skating, doesn’t even come close to this unique discipline.

Watching the gala performance repeat on Sunday evening was the best way to see what ice-skating had to offer. Unlike real competition, the gala is performed more to entertain the audience than to get one up over your opponent – in other words, the skaters get a free reign on how and what they wish to perform.

Some notable performances include the emotional display by Johnny Weir to Sinatra’s (is there any other?) My Way, the feminine grace of Irina Slutskaya, the cool elegance and beauty of Olympic Gold Medallist Shizuka Arakawa to the music You Raise Me Up, and last but never least, a glorious performance by Olympic Gold Medallist, the legendary Evgeni Plushenko to the Stradivarius of Edvin Martin.

Speaking of which, I will now officially issue a challenge to all the rappers of the world. Not even one of these “musicians” had their “tunes” featured in the event – although any music genre is allowed.

Until an ice-skater wins an Olympic medal accompanied by rap, I’ll never consider it music worth listening to.

As someone on the Internet once posted: “Rap is an interesting word; add C and you get what it is; add E and you get what it does to your brain.”

Other events there drew my interests were the snowboarding events (which were more like the Winter X Games), short track skating, aerials, moguls, and any other event I happened to tune in to.

The closing ceremony however, was less than pleasing – at least for me – as its main theme was the carnival.

Luckily, there were more things than dancing clowns to look at; e.g., Avril Lavigne.

And on that bombshell, I end my take on the Torino 2006 Winter Olympics.

I said I would devote almost all of today’s blog to the Winter Games. My second phrase today is magic maggots.

Remember my compost bin? I stand corrected, there are maggots feeding on vegetable matter. Big juicy ones not unlike the kind you see on Fear Factor.

I am not really sure how they got there; maybe it happened when I took out the inner bin to aerate its contents. The point is: underneath the initial layer of organic waste, there now lies a thick layer of black organic slush (for lack of a better word) crawling with maggots. Yesterday, I removed some of the matter for plant growing purposes. I will publish the results next week.

Also, the Sautern Enterprise blog has also been updated so check it out if you have the time.

Till then, see you in Vancouver!

Dead of the Week: 29
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 104

Spiritual White

Dichotomy, Raconteur, Sobriquet, Polemic, Wherewithal, Deportment, Elocution.

Wonderful, marvelous, incredible and surprising. I suppose those are apt words to describe my week.

Firstly, I finally got my P license for both car and chopper. There was nothing fishy during the examination - I made a few mistakes, and nobody asked for bribes. In fact, it was just a mere coincidence that I made the same exact mistakes and scored the same as the guy after me.

And in other news, the Vice President of the United States, shot, a 78 year-old man in the face.

Come on, it doesn't make any bloody difference that I crossed the raised pavement test in exactly 7.8 seconds, same as the guy before me - as long as I got my Professional driving license.

This gets me thinking however: if I am a professional driver now, why will I be demoted into a mere "Competent" driver in two years time (it's a Malaysian thing).


I have an announcement - the startup company I am involve in is approaching its internal launching date, which is the 25th of this month. Therefore, for marke... I mean introduction purposes, we are also launching our company's official blog, which for now, will be on Blogger.

I struck upon this idea while taking a trip with our CEO, Tommy Ooi, to the Registrar of Businesses (a.k.a. R.O.B.) to well, register our business. Full details will be posted on our company blog, here.

Yesterday, will remain as one of the most shocking days of my life - my computer died.

Technically speaking, it didn't die; but almost always loaded in Safe Mode, which is as close to geek death as possible.

Drawing an analogy with the non-geek world would involve describing a scene where a patient is placed into a comatose state so that the trainee doctor may be allowed to rewire some important arteries, veins, and carry out organ transplants without the displeasure of a complaining patient who got into the mess in the first place by hiring an untrained plastic surgeon to inject nerve gas into the forehead to remove wrinkles and prevent facial expression.

And in other news, the Vice President of the United States, shot, a 78 year-old man in the face.

The main thing is, PC is still usable, for now; after the trainee doctor attempted to replace her brain but was stopped by an unknown presence.

And yes, I phrased that sentence correctly. I named my computer PC and assigned it a female gender - so sue me, I don't have a girlfriend.

Before I move on to other items, I wish to share a touching moment I saw on Saturday which re-ignited my belief in the human race.

While traveling to visit my grandma who is now lying in hospital due to heart problems (aided no doubt by her children who STARVED HER FOR SIX DAYS!), I observed a blind man crossing the road.

He lifted his cane high into the air with his umbrella pointing downwards; clearly signaling his intent to cross.

The first kindness: An oncoming car slowed down more than 30 metres away.

The second kindness: After crossing the road, I saw two young ladies offering to guide him in his travels.

The third kindness: As my father pulled away, slowing down before a traffic light, I saw a motorcyclist guiding another blind man across the road. This would be unremarkable except for the fact that I could see an ownerless motorcycle with its lights still on parked beside the road.

And in other news, the Vice President of the United States, shot, a 78 year-old man in the face.

I can only speculate that the motorcyclist, in his zeal to help the blind man, forgot to remove the keys from his bike.

Now, why can't more people act this way.

To another news item:
The Nintendo DS Lite will apparently support web browsing, among other interesting features. PSP nutcases, feeling stupid?

But the real story of the week belongs to MySpace.

Besides kicking Friendsters butt all the way to the nearest blackhole, MySpace has apparently TWO-AND-A-HALF times the traffic of Google.

What I have to say is of course:
What the hell are you fuddle duddle idiots still doing on that bloody slower than flowing sewage water Friendster?!?

And in other news, the Vice President of the United States, shot, a 78 year-old man in the face.

Remember the "Peace" message I left behind last week? It had to do with the Olympics.

I always had a soft spot for it, so that is why I couldn't write anything remotely vitriolic last week because the Olympic spirit sort of seeps into your soul, at least, that's how it works for me.

In fact, it's better than religion or any other ideological beliefs in promoting peace.

Take this for example:
Pope visits mosque - nothing happens.

Atheist handing out flyers in Salem - burnt at the stake.

North Korea and South Korea marching out under a single flag accompanied by 80's American rock music - millions cheer!

I have also fallen in love with another sport - curling.

There is nothing else like it in the summer games (okay, maybe it shares some similarities with lawnbowl). Curling is a combination of strategy and precision, where players with the biggest biceps don't win, but the geeky team does most of the time.

The aim of the game is to place your stone as close as possible to the "button" inside the "home". One point is awarded for every stone that comes nearer to the button than does any rival stone.

If you still can't get the gist of the game, go here.

Knowing me, you may realise that I am currently planning to send a Malaysian curling team to the Olympics as soon as possible. But first, I need to amass great wealth and prestige (for further reference, check out Sautern Enterprise).

And in other news, the Vice President of the United States, shot, a 78 year-old man in the face.

P.S. Due to PC's slightly deranged state, this blog is being published one day later than usual. Hey! You try working on a computer that hangs 10 seconds after Windows boots up!

Dead of the Week: 22
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 75

Green Rockheads

Overwrought, Wordsmith, Gnarly, Shoehorn, Assiduous, De rigueur.

The Malaysian week started with a few bangs and ended with hundreds of people stabbing and pinning sharp objects through one another.

Don't be surprised (to non-Malaysians), it's a yearly event religiously observed... Because it's a religious thing.

Anyway, there are greater things to attend to; namely, the Prophet Muhammad caricatures issue.

It seems the Danish government has officially requested help from Malaysia to help ameliorate the situation because, simply put, it is the only Islamic country that respects the freedom of its citizens and failed to alienate religious zealots and extremists.

And on that happy note I end this weeks article because I wish to enjoy a little

Peace.



Dead of the Week: 20
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 53

Booking Stench

Paroxysm, Ambuscade, Absinthe, Kleptomania, Bunk, Concupiscence, Panoply.

Once again, I find myself blogging from somewhere outside the simplistic, sweet design of Blogger. This time, it'’s because I conducted my weekly Internet routine of checking my e-mail at dusk instead of sometime in the evening yesterday. Therefore, I wish to apologise for the belatedness of this issue (if anyone actually cares, that is).

Lets proceed to some appetizers then.

First serving of the week comes from me.

After long delay, I could no longer put it off. I had to salve my conscience. I must own my own compost bin.

So, early one morning last week, I burnt some holes into an unused dustbin (after searching for a compost bin'’s blueprints earlier that morning), and popped it back into its mother ship (it'’s one of those bin-within-a-bin design). During the course of the week, I initiated my plan to gather as much organic waste as possible to kick-start my junk collection, so to speak.

And as they say, just add water.

The result: An extremely pungent foul and aromatic miasma of decaying organic matter. The bacteria within are also doing something else the Internet plans said would happen -– producing heat.

I have a faint suspicion that they are producing methane -– but my sister won'’t allow me to test it (add fire), so I will just have to be content with an emergency radiator in case winter arrives early in Malaysia.

Everyone should make one for their household, even if it'’s just to see how much waste material one cycles through every day.

Waiter, you may serve the main dish.

There has been much uproar over the treatment of twelve senior citizens by the Malaysian police.

For those not in the know, while everyone else was celebrating Chinese New Year, the Malaysian police saw fit to raid a coffeeshop and arrested 11 senior citizens (which also included a handful of middle-aged men) for alleged gambling while playing mahjong.

In Malaysia, it'’s illegal for senior Chinese citizens to exercise their right to spend their life savings after years of toiling and struggling for some mahjong fun.

If you thought that was unfair, Malaysian police have brought it to the next level.

Those same senior citizens were forced to spend a night in jail for alleged gambling.

Ridiculous, right?

Hold that train of thought, because there'’s more!

Sometime during their prison stint, the police saw fit to shave them bald and stripping them down to their underwear!

So much for the respect of elders.

In their own defence, a police spokesperson claimed it was in the provisions of the law that they shaved all detainees bald. Unfortunately for the dimwit, someone pointed out that it was convicted prisoners the law was referring to.

Naturally, mobs of angry villages have begun sharpening their knives to begin an extremely bloody insurrection against the police… Nah, just kidding, the angry mob is in the process of turning into a bloody mob if the police don'’t come clean immediately.

Quick recap: a few months ago, Malaysian police were embroiled in an embarrassing scandal infamously know as the nude-squat incident.

There'’s only so much cow dung the public can take before a national crisis materialises.

For dessert, I wish to share a wonderful discovery. For people who hold the books are crap mentality, I am about to change your mind.

It is red book aptly titled: Big book of Insults.

Right on the title cover, this little gem is on display for all to see:

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.

-Groucho Marx

Compiled by Nancy Mcphee, it features alternatives to profanity-happy-uncouth-knavish language so widely used today by introducing the invectives of days gone by.

From the poet Shakespeare to Mark Twain, politicians to editors, we are given a reader'’s guide to conducting conversations with Gregory House and (my favourite part), insulting opponents with class.

All for the price of £6.99 as printed on the cover. Luckily for me, I got it for just under RM15.00. That'’s a cool one-third of the original price!

I leave you with one of the many quotes from the book:

I could do without your face, Chloe, and without your neck, and your hands, and your limbs, and, to save myself the trouble of mentioning the points in detail, I could do without you altogether.

-Marcus Valerius Martial (c.40-104 AD)

Dead of the Week: 14
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 33