Defiance/Compliance

Bivouac, Middlemarch, Shindy, Fatalist, Enid, Mauser, Mien, Escudo, Ordinal.

As the general Malaysian blogosphere knows, a few Malaysian politicians age twenty something and above has been throwing about choice words regarding the Malaysian blog community.

A quick recap:

Politician A claimed most bloggers were unemployed women and blah blah blah.

Politician B called for the registration of all Malaysian bloggers.

Politician C, and D, and E, and F, and G... ad infinitum, agree with one or the other.

There is a common consensus among the politicians (in power) that the views of people who are considered 'extremist' or 'a threat to social harmony' expressing opinions that offer nothing more than a drop of oil into the ocean that is the Internet, should be printed and shredded to strips of paper noodles.

Since we all know the government is all about social harmony, besides being a bunch of people who take our money whether we like them or not, it is relatively inevitable the Barisan Nasional govenment will start a nationwide drive to register bloggers in Malaysia.

How will they carry out this form of intellectual suppression?

I can only guess it will start with a voluntary program at the beginning of the year, where Malaysian bloggers will be invited to add their names to a growing database for a Malaysian Book of Records entry, because the only other motivation involves money and free food, which would be contrary to the government's healthy lifestyle drive.

The devious plot thus carried out, the government will then release statistical figures manipulated so it would seem Malaysia is the number one country in blogs per hundred citizens.

Very soon, there will remain only a hardcore group of bloggers hosting their puny sites of resistance on American servers with the paranoia of Fox Mulder and Gregory House.

They will form an online cult dedicated to the preaching of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Expression. Twin gods considered illegal by the National Fatwa Council, who will issue a verdict: "We condemn any online activity of any kind involved in the spread of lies, slander, and inconvenient truths which most people are smart enough to distinguish anyway."

"This is a further expansion to the trading of stocks online, which is completely unacceptable although it is not much different from trading stock in the Bursa Saham."

"Haram. Absolutely 150,000,000% haram."

Here then is a brief guide to all bloggers out there who will one day, meet expensively dressed government officers with gold laptops at your doorstep asking for your DNA sample:

1. If they ask you if you are a blogger, answer 'yes' if you are female and 'no' if you are male. This will appeal to their logic and hopefully, result in a less violent treatment of your anus once you are safely hidden behind concrete walls.
2. If you are given a form to fill, add as many details as possible. If your name is a continuous strings of 'son of', make sure you add the names of your grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather... for at least two hundred generations. If you are asked to fill in your address, fill in your work address, your parent's address, your girlfriend's/boyfriend's/partner's/mistresses'/married-sex-partner's/ex-wives' address, the Prime Minister's residence, your Parliamentary representative, and your home address.
   The logic behind this is the known fact that government bureaucracy will result in the most detailed forms being filed under the "We will look at them after a decade cabinet".
3. Don't have children. They might want to become the government servants wearing expensive Armani suits paid for by grumpy taxpayers.

I am really looking forward to the government clamping down on us bloggers, really I am! Just to see how badly their screw up taxpayer money this time.