Short, Shot, Shoot!

New words: Prestidigitation, Taproom, Cocksure, Quiff, Brigid, Servile, Rondo, Bollard, Parser, Doeskin, Aslope, Contumacious.

This week on A Stray World:

• Oily skins missed;
• Not the face! Not the Face!
• A. Asohan goes Stray
  

What's with the goo?
This week has been particularly hectic.
Oil hits $100.
Jon Stewart returns with A Daily Show.

And Malaysia, the second largest producer of palm oil world, ran out of palm oil.

Fascinating. Almost fictional in fact. It's like saying Thailand has ran out of prostitutes, or Kelantan without muftis, or George W. Bush without lies.

Without realising it, we citizens have failed to notice the convenient subsidies on cooking oil quietly nestled in place somewhere in the bowels of this immature democracy. Keen to keep prices low in our favourite char koay teow stalls, proprietors seemed to have caught on to the subsidies placed upon store bought cooking oil.

The larger barrel-like ones woefully forgotten.

Incredible as it seems, people refused to buy anything but cooking oil for the first two days of the apparent oil crisis. Like the geopolitical factions at play for its non-edible distant relative, storekeepers were accused of hoarding attacks were carried out by government officials, and general chaos from media coverage and frustrated oil-dependant citizens brought about a final agreement to raise production.

Alternative to oil-fried food - water.

People are addicted to oil.

Quite fascinating.

Bullet
Datuk S. Krishnasamy. One slug to the head. Close range.

Reading Gunslinger Girl has given me morbid insight into the mind of professional assassins.

The set-up was perfect. Here's my theory.

This mid-ranking member of the MIC was murdered in an MIC branch. Not on the road in some secluded junction. The building would be guarded, and with elections around the corner, very likely to be rather busy with human traffic.

Why take the risk? Why kill him in an elevator in a political building buzzing with pre-election activity?

This implies a political message.

A straight gunshot to the head implies rather obviously, an intent to eliminate, not intimidate the victim.

Since the MIC could easily replace one of their fallen with another mid-ranking representative, it could be postulated that this was a warning.

It would be naive to assume Datuk S Krishnasamy was completely innocent in the entire affair. He was embroiled in some business with some dangerous individuals.

People who aren't afraid of public execution as long as the message is delivered clearly, vividly.

The question now becomes, what is the message?

Stray Thoughts
One of the most senior members of The Star, A. Asohan, whose work I have acquainted myself with since his In Tech days has been awarded a column in the Sunday Star.

I have no hard feelings that he used the phrase above in bold as the name of his column. After all, Stray isn't a patented word.

However, it does make me wonder whether or not I should request a trademark for my blog's name when I move it away from Blogger.

Lovely.

New words: Headland, Ineluctable, Martinet, Bunco, Gumshoe, Kindling, Ingenue, Simper, Dint, Palaver.

Scandalous? Indeed.

But the study here isn't really about Chua Soi Lek, but the nation as a whole, and why it matters.

The people have Judged

Sex scandals are nothing new. If one were to look back further, a mistress was even considered a symbol of success.

The concubines of Chinese Emperors certainly weren't cheap.

And if our so-called Muslim leaders were to reflect on the Ottoman empire, I am sure they would find no solace in picking upon a man who kept a measly one.

Let's not kid ourselves here.

This is but a private matter gone public. To lose one of our better leaders in such fashion is simply wasteful.

Let's do a quick recap on other crimes that surely deserve or exceed the same measure of public disgust.

Wasteful Spending
Right, so what happened to all those government departments implicated in the Auditor General's sweep? A few low-level, mid-level executives questioned and sacked?

Imagine gallons and gallons of liquid gold spent on such essentials as:

• Screwdrivers,
• Digital cameras,
• Computers,
• Pencils, and my personal favourite
• Car jacks.

Illegal Logging
After the rape of Nanjing, our leaders probably decided to up the ante and stage:

The Rape of Lojing.

An entire mountain range was given the greatest haircut in Malaysia (Malaysian Book of Records) when a few state government officials decided to sell all the trees to loggers and plant, ostentatiously, ferns.

Yes. Those itsy-bitsy-teeny-greenish-weeds that kids (both human and animal) step-on on their way to the local municipal playground.

The White House
Not suggesting someone would go so far as to build a replica of the symbol of American democracy in Malaysia. Only going so far as to suggest flagrant flaunting of wealth and power.

So what happened to the politician who steamrollered his way to a new house and a satay restaurant sans official approval?

Apart from the now familiar official denial of any wrongdoing ("The architect did it!"), the man with a face thicker than the length of the Great Wall of China decided to invite a few dozen orphan to stay over at his new dig for one night.

Only thing he lost was his eatery, not is job.

Hmm...

Have Sex, Will Tell
This article is in no way meant to defend the good doctor from further jibes. What he did was wrong, if one subscribes to the Koran and Old Testament.

Secular-wise, he broke the unspoken laws of social propriety. Malaysian laws of social propriety.

But when left with two obvious choices, to keep quiet and his job, or to speak and get out, Dr Chua did the unthinkable.

He admitted his mistake, and left government.

That is a remarkable thing, considering Barisan Nasional could just as easily preserve his job by withholding comment anyway.

Alternative Future
Imagine this.

1. If Dr Chua kept his flap shut and asked press aides to deny everything,
2. and Badawi spoke of the lack of evidence,
3. and the press were directed to the greater issue of our floundering education system, flood mitigation tactics, the Royal Commission, and other more pressing issues,
4. Dr Chua Soi Lek would remain Health Minister.

Politics Screws the Bold
He had no charisma, but Dr Chua was a reassuring figure.

In a country that officially denies the existence of gays, lesbians, transvestites, transsexuals, bisexuals and any other word ending with -sexual, he pushed for the use of condoms; the distribution of condoms.

Whatever his fallacies, it would be prudent to note: Dr Chua's mistake did not cost the nation taxpayer money, or taxpayer time (though we all know that's not really high up on any agenda here).

I don't believe the same fingers now pointed at him can claim the same.

Of Dignity & Chastity

Shrift, Transgression, Colliers, Choler, Maidenhead, Pernicious, Posterity, Forsworn, Tetchy, Stinted, Prolixity, Lath, Masque, Alderman, Trencher, Disparagement, Perforce, Prorogue, Distemper

This week on A Stray World:

• Cleric recommends chastity belts, group to take up challenge;
• More spying Mat Skoding, extra protection for all;
• Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, as good as they get.

"Women should wear chastity belts to prevent rape, incest and other sex crimes," said Abu Hassan Din Al Hafiz, alledgedly prominent Muslim Cleric during a speech on the 16th of February in Terengganu.

That was the absolutely brilliant idea pushed to the forefront as a result of substantial surveys and follow-ups conducted by the coalition of Muslim clerics.

The greater incidences of rape as a result of provocative clothing, a postulation that has since met its end has resulted in a commendable backtrack by the conservative clerics.

Realising their foolhardy mistake, they have embarked on a separate branch of thought, that it is the men that are to be blamed when women are raped, as opposed to their former postulation, where the women are blamed when women are raped.

Just what exactly is a chastity belt? What form does it take?As one may observe from the image above, there are two holes at opposite ends of the metallic strap for the passing of body wastes. Sharp edges prevent the insertion of the male appendage for sexual pleasure. Sexual gratification through other means though, seem probable given the relative size of the holes.

This medieval device demonstrates how effective the common padlock is in securing a woman's dignity, which is exactly what the clerics are aiming for.

It is therefore rather perplexing on their part when public outcry against the device has pushed them once more, back to the drawing board.

It is rather interesting to note, chastity belts are rather popular in Indonesia. This is a country who's inhabitants have displayed acute flexibility and pragmatism in their willingness to purchase chastity belts.

Rather than fret about the inanities of the inhabitants of this nation, we move on to another topic that has gripped the nation amid a sudden economic boom - the Mat Skoding.

Terengganu State Islam Hadhari and Welfare Committee chairman Datuk Rosol Wahid, suggests the establishment of a respected body of busy-bodies to weed out men and women who commit immoral offences. Such as the khalwat, or close proximity offence.

Among the advantages attributed to the formation of the Mat Skoding are,

• reduction in cases of men and women dating;
  
• reduction in cases of men and women copulating; and
  
• reduction in cases of men and women getting married.

Obviously, the Mat Skoding themselves must display nothing but the most admirable of human qualities. To achieve this end, the Terengganu government has seized upon the previously defunct idea of chastity belts and have issued a state directive for all Mat Skoding to attire themselves with the "armour of dignity".
The above picture would be an example of this joint venture between the state government and BDSM entities across our fair nations borders.

Mat Skoding who fail to purchase a chastity belt of their own will be compelled to make their own.

With their morality firmly secured, the people can rest assured, the person video-taping your movements is certainly dignified to the extreme.

The final article of the day features none other than the rising star of the state clerics, Dr. Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin.

He has given the following suggestions to legalise khalwat detecting:

• THE operation must not stir the development of tajassus (spying to find fault) offences in Muslim society and as such the informer has to ascertain that he/she actually saw or heard the offence being committed;
• THE operation itself must not be conducted merely to spy for the sake of finding fault;
• THE operation must not be based on doubtful information;
• THE enforcement authority should not encourage people to lodge complaints on actions which can cause embarrassment among Muslims, and in this case the practice of giving rewards to informers in close proximity cases should be stopped;
• DETAILS of the offence committed should not be revealed prior to sentencing; and,
• OPERATIONS which are deemed to have adverse effects like infringing on the individuals' rights and privacy; an operation suspected of being carried out with malicious intent and creating hatred towards the religious enforcement agency should be abandoned.

Yes folks. This is the one who will bring all Malaysian Muslims into the 22nd century. The fact that he drew up the guidelines one must adhere to while snooping is not more significant than the actual acceptance of the act.

Well, I suppose this is as good as they get.