Tottered, Rattletrap, Intransigent, Hawkish, Valise, Perineum, Omadhaun, non compos mentis, Schemiel, Dolt, Bungler, Idiomatic, Pecuniary, Tort, Accoutre, Remiss, Diaphanous, Diaphoretic, fait accompli, Calabash, Inure, Eugeroic, Pizzazz.
This week, on a Stray World:
This week, on a Stray World:
- Voyeurs of Rewarp
For quite some time, I have been reminded by one of my close friends Peter Chong, as well as some anonymous poster that they wish to know more about me and my life.
It's a sad fact of human nature that they tend to skim over unpleasant world events in favour of more saucy insights into the lives of insignificant, unimportant and sometimes unsavoury people.
Instead of the usual parody on major events, I am going to do a satirical retelling of my life... Nah, snippets of my life.
Let's begin.
Hi, my name is Rewarp and I like to piss people off. It doesn't matter who I piss off, as long as I piss them off.
I like to begin every post with a string of hard words not because I wish to keep a record of words I learnt during the week - its because I wish to crush the ego of every visitor to my site - you know, exactly like those raggings going on at every new intake at Malaysian universities so the freshmen will feel grateful and lucky for a chance at higher education.
Don't worry, the ragging is only for locals.
I then go on writing my insipid articles on global warming, sob stories, blah, blah, blah... Before writing a paragraph or so of the most interesting part: my life.
I noticed no matter how long, detailed, or funny my articles on major events are; more often than not, the comments generated usually target my life, such as: "Gross, maggots" or "You need a girlfriend".
I have noticed something else.
Popular blogs from Malaysia, I have been led to understand, contain lots of expletives and pictures of pretty girls with saucy phrases.
The following is unsuitable for the immature mind... Or rather, mature mind:
Merde! Scheiße! A classy lady all wrapped up. Cazzo in the figa, that's what I would like to do.
But the filho da puta, cacho mierda, vaffanculo, pirla police would throw me into the culo cell.
Well, anyway, she is Popuši mi kurac hot man.
Jebi se you coglioni anti-rape law.
Idi u pičku materinu.
(What? You actually expected me to post profanity you can understand immediately without doing research?)
Kurvin sin, man. Kurvin sin.
Well, that should drive up web traffic.
This school holiday, I went about my business. My software company business.
Sold something, did something else, now planning other things, which I can't reveal here because it belongs to the Sautern Enterprise blog.
Kankerlijer school also intruded my gadha life when I had to plan a back-of-dominant-open-handshape-flipped-out-under-chin (profanity-laced phrase using sign language) bug catching field trip where we only manage to capture お前 (omae) small bugs.
The biggest bug in our collection right now is a huge grasshopper not caught during the pinga field trip.
Well, I be usro, I caught it five metres away from the boundaries of my humble jebem ti mater house! I then spent one hour killing, skinning, and winging it.
It was a drawn out process because I like to make living things grovel and suffer through the long, unnecessary pain of hopelessness before snuffing them out.
As I stuck the long hypodermic needle between the anus of the poor impaled creature to inject a fatal, translucent liquid, I hoped to hell the teachers and the education system will never substitute taking digital pictures of the bugs to actually capturing and murdering them.
Besides, I am a sick masochist and a self-diagnosed necrophilic. This is one of those few moments where schoolwork is erogenous.
Why, this evening alone, I enthusiastically disposed the body of one of my pet rabbits which had also attracted the attention of a 1.5-metre long monitor lizard (a scavenger).
I spent one expletive-free hour muscling the creature out of the rabbit enclosure before getting rid of my dead pet.
Of course, I had left the body to set for 24 hours after discovering its dead body because I wanted to reprise the role of those cool CSI guys when they call for the T.O.D. (time of death).
It was all nasty and gross as the body had gone into partial rigor mortis, with various fly species hovering around. Its eyes were still open but only the whites were showing.
C.O.D. (cause of death) is unknown but I suspect it is a result of a broken neck inflicted by another rabbit biting on its neck.
End parody.
I hoped you hated this version of A Stray World.
We return to our irresponsibly-entertaining, profanity and expletive free satirical newscasting next week.
P.S. There are a few truths in this week's edition, just learn to read between the flower-bridge-pronounced-in-Cantonese lines.
Dead of the Week: 27
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 507
It's a sad fact of human nature that they tend to skim over unpleasant world events in favour of more saucy insights into the lives of insignificant, unimportant and sometimes unsavoury people.
Instead of the usual parody on major events, I am going to do a satirical retelling of my life... Nah, snippets of my life.
Let's begin.
Hi, my name is Rewarp and I like to piss people off. It doesn't matter who I piss off, as long as I piss them off.
I like to begin every post with a string of hard words not because I wish to keep a record of words I learnt during the week - its because I wish to crush the ego of every visitor to my site - you know, exactly like those raggings going on at every new intake at Malaysian universities so the freshmen will feel grateful and lucky for a chance at higher education.
Don't worry, the ragging is only for locals.
I then go on writing my insipid articles on global warming, sob stories, blah, blah, blah... Before writing a paragraph or so of the most interesting part: my life.
I noticed no matter how long, detailed, or funny my articles on major events are; more often than not, the comments generated usually target my life, such as: "Gross, maggots" or "You need a girlfriend".
I have noticed something else.
Popular blogs from Malaysia, I have been led to understand, contain lots of expletives and pictures of pretty girls with saucy phrases.
The following is unsuitable for the immature mind... Or rather, mature mind:
Merde! Scheiße! A classy lady all wrapped up. Cazzo in the figa, that's what I would like to do.
But the filho da puta, cacho mierda, vaffanculo, pirla police would throw me into the culo cell.
Well, anyway, she is Popuši mi kurac hot man.
Jebi se you coglioni anti-rape law.
Idi u pičku materinu.
(What? You actually expected me to post profanity you can understand immediately without doing research?)
Kurvin sin, man. Kurvin sin.
Well, that should drive up web traffic.
This school holiday, I went about my business. My software company business.
Sold something, did something else, now planning other things, which I can't reveal here because it belongs to the Sautern Enterprise blog.
Kankerlijer school also intruded my gadha life when I had to plan a back-of-dominant-open-handshape-flipped-out-under-chin (profanity-laced phrase using sign language) bug catching field trip where we only manage to capture お前 (omae) small bugs.
The biggest bug in our collection right now is a huge grasshopper not caught during the pinga field trip.
Well, I be usro, I caught it five metres away from the boundaries of my humble jebem ti mater house! I then spent one hour killing, skinning, and winging it.
It was a drawn out process because I like to make living things grovel and suffer through the long, unnecessary pain of hopelessness before snuffing them out.
As I stuck the long hypodermic needle between the anus of the poor impaled creature to inject a fatal, translucent liquid, I hoped to hell the teachers and the education system will never substitute taking digital pictures of the bugs to actually capturing and murdering them.
Besides, I am a sick masochist and a self-diagnosed necrophilic. This is one of those few moments where schoolwork is erogenous.
Why, this evening alone, I enthusiastically disposed the body of one of my pet rabbits which had also attracted the attention of a 1.5-metre long monitor lizard (a scavenger).
I spent one expletive-free hour muscling the creature out of the rabbit enclosure before getting rid of my dead pet.
Of course, I had left the body to set for 24 hours after discovering its dead body because I wanted to reprise the role of those cool CSI guys when they call for the T.O.D. (time of death).
It was all nasty and gross as the body had gone into partial rigor mortis, with various fly species hovering around. Its eyes were still open but only the whites were showing.
C.O.D. (cause of death) is unknown but I suspect it is a result of a broken neck inflicted by another rabbit biting on its neck.
End parody.
I hoped you hated this version of A Stray World.
We return to our irresponsibly-entertaining, profanity and expletive free satirical newscasting next week.
P.S. There are a few truths in this week's edition, just learn to read between the flower-bridge-pronounced-in-Cantonese lines.
Dead of the Week: 27
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 507
2 comments:
condolences on d rabbit. that's all i can say.
See what happens when you use too much profanity? Your audience looses the track of the story.
I made sure the insects were dead before I carried out any mutilation.
The monitor lizard was attracted by the rotten carcass of my bunny.
This week's entry was a PARODY, A PARODY, OKAY?
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