On this weeks edition of A Stray World:
- August 31st: More Pretentious Celebrations in Store;
- Bloggers Beware, the Censor-Man is out to get you;
- Election 2008: All Nations Qualified.
As all Malaysians are aware, our Independence Day celebrations are just around the corner. In less than a fortnight, we will all be enjoying fireworks and parades bought with public funds.
Independence: Hardly fought for; hardly forgotten; hardly appreciated.
In close to 49 years of independence, Malaysia has progressed from a fractured, poor country where Malays, Chinese, Indians and other races were divided along racial lines to a fractured, rich country where Malays, Chinese, Indians and other races are given benefits along racial lines.
Of course, as everyone knows, racial discrimination is bad. But a senior politician disagrees, saying it is for the benefit of the country.
"The only reason we have yet to experience a civil war is because of Malaysia's unique racial discrimination policy," replied Datuk A.K.M. to this interviewer's question. "By actively discouraging the Chinese from working hard to achieve their goals, and by giving unprecedented advantages to the Malays, we hope to create a equally wealthy society."
"Sure, this might encourage all the Malays to take a laid back attitude to life, have 20 children on a RM500.00 salary from selling hand-made cakes while the Government siphons off money from the hardworking business community to pay for their upbringing and education, but you can bet your gold plated tombstone everyone will have equal share of the wealth."
To inquiries about the similarity between this system and communism, Datuk A.K.M responded: "Oh, didn't you know? We are basing this on the China's communist government, except, we lean towards the Malays of course. We won't stop until the Malays own at least 30% of every Malaysian company, controls at least 30% of the economy, and 30% of anything else the other races create."
Okay, so we are all about equality, let's leave it at that. But what about the education system since independence? Why do our history books contain 7 chapters on Islam, but only 1 chapter on the other religions?
"Well, obviously, it's because you all are living in an Islamic country. You have to study Islam," replied Datuk A.K.M. "While the other religions had played a part in the country's past, Islam is the latest religion approved by the global community, so we should all study it and admit it is the only truth."
"Regarding Yap Ah Loy, yes he did modernize Kuala Lumpur, in effect creating our country's capital city. But he lied, cheated, manipulated, intimidated, bribed, and fought his way to realize that ambition, so he isn't a very good role model for our impressionable youngsters. So we decided to limit his details to a single paragraph in our history textbooks, highlighting his gang dealings."
Very impressive, so the politicians have decided that dirty politics have no place in this country. What an admirable group of people we have leading us!
What then about other historical subjects not mentioned in our history books? While we have 7 chapters on Islam, we have zero on the Holocaust, zero on the Pol-Pot regime, unfinished story on Singapore, and only the briefest description of the 13th of May incident.
"Oh come on!" snapped Datuk A.K.M. "We shouldn't overload our children with information that will have no bearing on their lives. The important thing is they are all learning about the same thing, and that's as equal as the government can get."
On to the issue of the government's recent decision to hunt down Malaysian bloggers who spread "lies and rumours".
The question is, isn't this an action counterproductive to the Multimedia Super Corridor (MSC) project? Isn't freedom of speech the very basis of the Internet, where its first purpose was to share?
"Nooooo... It isn't isn't counterproductive. The MSC projects are still intact. The bloggers don't run the MSC, they don't run anything," proclaims Datuk A.K.M. "They are spreading lies and rumours that will compromise national security, sow disharmony by asking for complete equality, just like watching too many people committing suicides on tv will make you want to terminate yourself too."
But wouldn't it be better to just ignore the blog posts? Aren't Malaysians mature enough to make their own choices?
"Isn't it a fair deal, we arrest the people asking and giving ridiculous questions for your protection. You don't even need to care whether or not you are mature enough to choose," offers Datuk A.K.M.
To international news, America may finally decide to open their Presidential Election to the International community.
"We have realized for years now that America is the de facto ruler of the world," says Edward Gambal, senior correspondent for the Earth-America Party. "Once we receive approval, EVERYBODY will get to vote for America!"
This all makes perfect sense, seeing as no matter what the United Nations (UN), Non-Aligned Movement (NAM), Organization of Islamic Countries (OIC), and the bodies of the world say, America will always do things her way.
"To ensure America, and thus the world is run by proper hands, we fully support this proposal," said Osama bin Laden, wanted terrorist, on his personal video blog. "When this election is put in place, I will finally be able to realize my childhood dreams of being called President Osama."
This move wouldn't be complete without some opposition, and it comes in the form of the American ranchers.
"We ain't be able to talk like roughnecks no more," said Bill Grant. "And I ain't gonna be allowed to kill more Muslims trespassers on my land."
Happy Independence Day.
Dead of the Week: 16
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 480
1 comment:
it's a screwed up situation, but so what? if they push too hard, it's their loss. people can choose not to help in developing the country, and we shall see where she goes. the global market is extremely precise and competitive, there's no place for sentiment or bias over calm efficiency, see if the politicians can survive by remaining so arrogant and high-handed. that's how i see it anyway, we don't have to sweat it.
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