To Fill the Banks

New words: Subedit, Teasel, Repine, Bumptious, Plaice, Slake,Verisimilitude, Stucco, Asinine, Liszt.

I respectfully bequest thy forgiveness, for thou hast been betrayed. Tardiness is inexcusable and I seek the most severest of punishment thou may dream of.

Seriously, I have been quite busy. With the affairs at my tech company at full steam (after a hibernation period long enough to remove Harith Iskandar's barrel of oil), and the inevitable cleanup of my room which has become a top rated 5 star hotel for rats and roaches after the disaster known as the STPM, I find myself starved of time to read my 60 or so e-mails... Let alone blog.

But you aren't here to hear my wimpers about my life... You are here because you are bored out of your mind and someone pushed you with a hot rod up your arse to this site.

I sincerely thank you.

Now, onwards Brother.

Flooding Everywhere as Planned
Last week, A Stray World sent a bunch of my new minions into the new Inbound-Oceans of Malaysia (trademark pending).

Of the six, one was killed by drinking too much bottled water.

The second was killed by irate villagers when he used up the flooded towns only source of energy while charging his laptop to play Warcraft.

The third was dismissed after he began eating the two dead journalists with mayonnaise. The company simply cannot afford to subsidise unhealthy condiments.

The fourth quit to protest the dismissal.

The fifth killed the sixth to claim the cash bounty I offered.

Finally, I had to terminate her because she still watches Survivor.

So of I went alone. Trudging through mudflats and rivers to some flooded village in East Malaysia.

The sight, as usual, was depressing. No open mamak stalls! What a travesty. A few villagers offered me their services for cash, but I declined as the authorities have advised about talking frankly and truthfully with the public.

Not more than six hundred kilometres away, I was warmly greeted by the grossly overpaid nephew of the local state assemblyman at his dry and cosy villa. "This way tuan," ushered the tuxedo toting youth.

With a genuine smile, the assemblyman, Mr Lam Bhat Dah, shook my hands and drew out a wooden chair adorned with ancestral carvings. "So, have you done it?"

"Yeah. I have visited the villagers."

"And?"

"And they pointed me this way."

"Don't joke around. What did you get?"

"I got athlete's foot from trudging though all that water. But don't worry, I don't think you are at any risk."

"Look here!" One finger on my chest, Mr Lam breathing heavily. "Have you delivered the posters?"

"Yes, I can see there is a leech attached to my chest! But what does that have to do with delivering posters for you."

"The general election of course! This is the only real chance I get to show people I actually give a damn!"

""What about actually preventing these floods from occurring in the first place? Wouldn't that show people you care?"

"Of course not. Who the hell remembers which minister forbidding hillside development, illegal logging, and restrictions on riverside developments? The rakyat only remembers the ministers who visit flood victims, fire victims, and heart-transplant patients."

"Are you saying these floods were preventable?"

"Of course they were. Let me tell you something. There are no such things as natural disasters. Only environmental hazards. What we are doing has everything to do with deliberate manipulation of environmental hazards so they may become what we call 'natural disasters'. After that, we can make sweeping proclamations that we are the only people capable of preventing natural disasters."

"Very smart. Thank you Mr Lam. I have delivered your posters, but I think the post office won't deliver the parcels unless you pay them extra. You know, floods and all. Bye"

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Now playing: Yui Horie - LIFE (PV Rip)
via FoxyTunes unhealthy condiments.