Booking Stench

Paroxysm, Ambuscade, Absinthe, Kleptomania, Bunk, Concupiscence, Panoply.

Once again, I find myself blogging from somewhere outside the simplistic, sweet design of Blogger. This time, it'’s because I conducted my weekly Internet routine of checking my e-mail at dusk instead of sometime in the evening yesterday. Therefore, I wish to apologise for the belatedness of this issue (if anyone actually cares, that is).

Lets proceed to some appetizers then.

First serving of the week comes from me.

After long delay, I could no longer put it off. I had to salve my conscience. I must own my own compost bin.

So, early one morning last week, I burnt some holes into an unused dustbin (after searching for a compost bin'’s blueprints earlier that morning), and popped it back into its mother ship (it'’s one of those bin-within-a-bin design). During the course of the week, I initiated my plan to gather as much organic waste as possible to kick-start my junk collection, so to speak.

And as they say, just add water.

The result: An extremely pungent foul and aromatic miasma of decaying organic matter. The bacteria within are also doing something else the Internet plans said would happen -– producing heat.

I have a faint suspicion that they are producing methane -– but my sister won'’t allow me to test it (add fire), so I will just have to be content with an emergency radiator in case winter arrives early in Malaysia.

Everyone should make one for their household, even if it'’s just to see how much waste material one cycles through every day.

Waiter, you may serve the main dish.

There has been much uproar over the treatment of twelve senior citizens by the Malaysian police.

For those not in the know, while everyone else was celebrating Chinese New Year, the Malaysian police saw fit to raid a coffeeshop and arrested 11 senior citizens (which also included a handful of middle-aged men) for alleged gambling while playing mahjong.

In Malaysia, it'’s illegal for senior Chinese citizens to exercise their right to spend their life savings after years of toiling and struggling for some mahjong fun.

If you thought that was unfair, Malaysian police have brought it to the next level.

Those same senior citizens were forced to spend a night in jail for alleged gambling.

Ridiculous, right?

Hold that train of thought, because there'’s more!

Sometime during their prison stint, the police saw fit to shave them bald and stripping them down to their underwear!

So much for the respect of elders.

In their own defence, a police spokesperson claimed it was in the provisions of the law that they shaved all detainees bald. Unfortunately for the dimwit, someone pointed out that it was convicted prisoners the law was referring to.

Naturally, mobs of angry villages have begun sharpening their knives to begin an extremely bloody insurrection against the police… Nah, just kidding, the angry mob is in the process of turning into a bloody mob if the police don'’t come clean immediately.

Quick recap: a few months ago, Malaysian police were embroiled in an embarrassing scandal infamously know as the nude-squat incident.

There'’s only so much cow dung the public can take before a national crisis materialises.

For dessert, I wish to share a wonderful discovery. For people who hold the books are crap mentality, I am about to change your mind.

It is red book aptly titled: Big book of Insults.

Right on the title cover, this little gem is on display for all to see:

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.

-Groucho Marx

Compiled by Nancy Mcphee, it features alternatives to profanity-happy-uncouth-knavish language so widely used today by introducing the invectives of days gone by.

From the poet Shakespeare to Mark Twain, politicians to editors, we are given a reader'’s guide to conducting conversations with Gregory House and (my favourite part), insulting opponents with class.

All for the price of £6.99 as printed on the cover. Luckily for me, I got it for just under RM15.00. That'’s a cool one-third of the original price!

I leave you with one of the many quotes from the book:

I could do without your face, Chloe, and without your neck, and your hands, and your limbs, and, to save myself the trouble of mentioning the points in detail, I could do without you altogether.

-Marcus Valerius Martial (c.40-104 AD)

Dead of the Week: 14
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 33