Curlicue, Pernicious, Mores, Snarf, Hinky, Haimish, Scrunchy, Trog, Linguica, Echt, Doula, Onomatopoeia.
On this weeks edition of, A Stray World:
On this weeks edition of, A Stray World:
- Thousands of fishes die as North Korea launches Trojan horse missile into the ocean;
- Member of Parliament receives official sponsorship from Mercedes;
- The impotence of the European Union;
- And why forest genocide is good for Malaysia.
We begin with the top news headliner of the 4th of July, where Kim Jong-il, the deity of North Korea, proclaimed that all the fishes in the Sea of Japan were "evil conspirators bent on killing the godly children of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea", and ordered their subsequent execution.
His generals then launched multiple "Made in Heaven's Land" missiles which seemed headed for Washington DC, but instead plunged into the ocean where North Korean soldiers (who were hiding within the missiles) disbursed and started slaughtering fishes with their latest model of Neolithic bone knives.
"Our far-seeing leader was actually out to get the denizens of the deep ocean, who have amassed huge biological weapons scavenged from the corpses of our people who have died from experimental medications," said a spokesman for the DPRK, who wished to be known as Mr So. "Due to the trajectory of the initial launch, we were not at all surprised that our neighbours complained about the loud noise. Rest assured, we are doing all in our power to ensure these systematic launches won't cause too much trouble for the Americans."
As to what evidence North Korea has to show for their claims that a huge invasion is about to take place, Mr So replied they had received their information the way the Americans did, through the CIA.
"The CIA has been very helpful for alerting us to this situation," replied Mr So. "They showed us documents written in what they called Atlantean, and helpfully translated them for us to reveal an elaborate plot to destroy the world."
"To thank them, our greatest missile holding all of our loyal soldiers was named the Taepodong, which is a play of the words "type of bong", which we all know is the number one question on the minds of every American who listens to rap."
Back on the local front.
The woes of Mohd. Said, a member of Parliament who couldn't get approval from Parliament to subsidies his foreign car purchases, will soon become a distant memory as Mercedes has announced an elaborate sponsorship scheme for MPs who use the name of their flagship product in their speeches every time they get the chance to speak in the august body.
"We realized the incredible amount of publicity this issue has generated, especially among the MPs," said a Mercedes spokesperson. "Rather than miss this opportunity, our managers decided to embark on a ruthless sponsorship scheme to promote Mercedes as the foreign car to own."
Replying to questions on whether or not this sort of unscrupulous advertising would tarnish the image of Parliament, Mercedes said: "Oh no. If anything, I am sure it will add to the image of Parliament as the best place in Malaysia to receive free gifts for saying inappropriate things. Very soon, Parliament will make Mercedes the official car of Malaysia for our help in drawing more people to become Parliament members."
Moving along, Pfizer International, the Nobel Award candidate , says it has plans to treat the EU's general "underperformance".
"We have succeeded in replicating the Blue Pill for the EU," came the bold announcement from Dr Ekam Evol. "As you all know, for years the EU has not been giving satisfying performances to his partners from the surrounding region. This can be seen in the recent invasion of Palestine by the Israelis."
"If we trace history, you will notice that every time there has been a war, there will always be a big erection, a great example would be Malaysia's very own Tugu Negara," offered Dr Evol. "Other examples are the Washington Memorial and the Statue of Liberty."
Obviously, this hasn't been the case in the EU, where since the defeat of France in the Battle of Waterloo, there have been no great erections in the region.
The consistent invasion of Palestine by Israel though, offers a unique opportunity in which the EU may experience erections once every two weeks, instead of the current once every two hundred years.
"As the EU has generally remained a neutral party in this conflict, they can theoretically double the number of erections they may have, provided they follow our medical plan," said Dr Evol with a sly wink. "Trust me. Under normal circumstances, every time someone's at war, you can bet your family jewels that someone is having an erection."
True enough. After all, why else would George W. Bush enter a new conflict every six months?
Coming back to our beloved country, we secured A Stray World exclusive letter from a prominent government official regarding forestry policies for the not-too-far future.
Here are the important points, highlighted by our tireless overworked hamster in the freezer:
"For the good of the nation, the rakyat should realise our country must increase the amount of land available for buildings. It doesn't matter that not even ten percent of the new buildings will have tenants, as long as we build, build, build.
This solves a lot of problems, namely, Malaysia's image as a developing nation.
As we all know, the measure of the development of a nation is consistent with the thickness of low-land cloud cover. For example, the New York smog and London's acid-tinged fog.
We mustn't forget that a successful nation usually has its rivers heavily polluted with industrial waste before she spends funds collected through taxes to clean them up. Anyone who has read the history of the Thames would know that.
Most developed countries, as you may have noticed, have little or no sanctuaries or green belts. This is because these lands have been converted into much more productive residential areas when entrepreneurial women sell their bodies and gangsters who rap all day long sell drugs.
Believe me, if we continue to resist the felling of our forests, we will NEVER be able to build entire towns of grey concrete filled with impoverished, obese, people.
Besides, we can also make back 0.001% of the accumulated and long term costs of the said projects if we cut down all the trees to make paper and furniture.
These plans are being quietly implemented by the government nationwide to ensure the developed nations do not find out and interfere in our country's development.
Just imagine, one day, we will no longer have river related accidents or deaths because no one will go swimming ever again and we will never have to organize search parties for foreigners lost in the jungle."
P.S. This entry is dedicated to Helen Pratt, the 300th person who died on television as a result of a blood clot which formed in her heart, shot up her brain, and killed her.
Dead of the Week: 44
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 343
His generals then launched multiple "Made in Heaven's Land" missiles which seemed headed for Washington DC, but instead plunged into the ocean where North Korean soldiers (who were hiding within the missiles) disbursed and started slaughtering fishes with their latest model of Neolithic bone knives.
"Our far-seeing leader was actually out to get the denizens of the deep ocean, who have amassed huge biological weapons scavenged from the corpses of our people who have died from experimental medications," said a spokesman for the DPRK, who wished to be known as Mr So. "Due to the trajectory of the initial launch, we were not at all surprised that our neighbours complained about the loud noise. Rest assured, we are doing all in our power to ensure these systematic launches won't cause too much trouble for the Americans."
As to what evidence North Korea has to show for their claims that a huge invasion is about to take place, Mr So replied they had received their information the way the Americans did, through the CIA.
"The CIA has been very helpful for alerting us to this situation," replied Mr So. "They showed us documents written in what they called Atlantean, and helpfully translated them for us to reveal an elaborate plot to destroy the world."
"To thank them, our greatest missile holding all of our loyal soldiers was named the Taepodong, which is a play of the words "type of bong", which we all know is the number one question on the minds of every American who listens to rap."
Back on the local front.
The woes of Mohd. Said, a member of Parliament who couldn't get approval from Parliament to subsidies his foreign car purchases, will soon become a distant memory as Mercedes has announced an elaborate sponsorship scheme for MPs who use the name of their flagship product in their speeches every time they get the chance to speak in the august body.
"We realized the incredible amount of publicity this issue has generated, especially among the MPs," said a Mercedes spokesperson. "Rather than miss this opportunity, our managers decided to embark on a ruthless sponsorship scheme to promote Mercedes as the foreign car to own."
Replying to questions on whether or not this sort of unscrupulous advertising would tarnish the image of Parliament, Mercedes said: "Oh no. If anything, I am sure it will add to the image of Parliament as the best place in Malaysia to receive free gifts for saying inappropriate things. Very soon, Parliament will make Mercedes the official car of Malaysia for our help in drawing more people to become Parliament members."
Moving along, Pfizer International, the Nobel Award candidate , says it has plans to treat the EU's general "underperformance".
"We have succeeded in replicating the Blue Pill for the EU," came the bold announcement from Dr Ekam Evol. "As you all know, for years the EU has not been giving satisfying performances to his partners from the surrounding region. This can be seen in the recent invasion of Palestine by the Israelis."
"If we trace history, you will notice that every time there has been a war, there will always be a big erection, a great example would be Malaysia's very own Tugu Negara," offered Dr Evol. "Other examples are the Washington Memorial and the Statue of Liberty."
Obviously, this hasn't been the case in the EU, where since the defeat of France in the Battle of Waterloo, there have been no great erections in the region.
The consistent invasion of Palestine by Israel though, offers a unique opportunity in which the EU may experience erections once every two weeks, instead of the current once every two hundred years.
"As the EU has generally remained a neutral party in this conflict, they can theoretically double the number of erections they may have, provided they follow our medical plan," said Dr Evol with a sly wink. "Trust me. Under normal circumstances, every time someone's at war, you can bet your family jewels that someone is having an erection."
True enough. After all, why else would George W. Bush enter a new conflict every six months?
Coming back to our beloved country, we secured A Stray World exclusive letter from a prominent government official regarding forestry policies for the not-too-far future.
Here are the important points, highlighted by our tireless overworked hamster in the freezer:
"For the good of the nation, the rakyat should realise our country must increase the amount of land available for buildings. It doesn't matter that not even ten percent of the new buildings will have tenants, as long as we build, build, build.
This solves a lot of problems, namely, Malaysia's image as a developing nation.
As we all know, the measure of the development of a nation is consistent with the thickness of low-land cloud cover. For example, the New York smog and London's acid-tinged fog.
We mustn't forget that a successful nation usually has its rivers heavily polluted with industrial waste before she spends funds collected through taxes to clean them up. Anyone who has read the history of the Thames would know that.
Most developed countries, as you may have noticed, have little or no sanctuaries or green belts. This is because these lands have been converted into much more productive residential areas when entrepreneurial women sell their bodies and gangsters who rap all day long sell drugs.
Believe me, if we continue to resist the felling of our forests, we will NEVER be able to build entire towns of grey concrete filled with impoverished, obese, people.
Besides, we can also make back 0.001% of the accumulated and long term costs of the said projects if we cut down all the trees to make paper and furniture.
These plans are being quietly implemented by the government nationwide to ensure the developed nations do not find out and interfere in our country's development.
Just imagine, one day, we will no longer have river related accidents or deaths because no one will go swimming ever again and we will never have to organize search parties for foreigners lost in the jungle."
P.S. This entry is dedicated to Helen Pratt, the 300th person who died on television as a result of a blood clot which formed in her heart, shot up her brain, and killed her.
Dead of the Week: 44
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 343
2 comments:
watch out, i think u r next on Kim Jong-Il's hit list!!
Only if he can afford to send his agents to Thailand by bycycle first.
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