Sylph, Contusion, Concretion, Circumlocution, Sophomore, Gouge, Foment, Gammon, Albedo, Salp, Miscegenation, sine-qua-non, Hackneyed, Tractate, Hubris.
On this week's episode of A Stray World:
On this week's episode of A Stray World:
- Malaysian High Performance Training Centre's (HPTC) an intelligence installation;
- Israel goes to war with Lebanese civilians, offers a 7-for-17 deal;
- Bush and Putin, an intimate evening.
Welcome to our weekly (slightly fake) pondering of world events. We start of with the much publicized and criticizes HPTC, which is to be based in London.
There has been much public outcry against the half-a-billion project proposed by the National Sports Council to give the best athletes in the country a chance to rub shoulders with the most famous athletes (whether active or not) in the world.
This also fulfils one of the nations goals which is to spend public funds on at least one project that is doomed to fail every year. A prime example of this successful failure is the very unpopular Tak Nak campaign.
The true objective of this grand investment in thin air however, is much, much, more important than any other project ever built in Malaysian history - as our undercover team has discovered.
According to our trusted sources, the NSC's true objective is to build an offshore intelligence agency where our country's best athletes are honed into our country's best liars.
"We know talent when we see one, and it's not good to waste talent," said a man who wanted to be interviewed facing our correspondent's back. "Tell me if you know of any other major group of individuals with more potential to become spies?"
Evidently, our nations athletes have been living a double life as under-achieving sportsmen during the day (or night depending on the event), and as elite government spies in between tournaments.
"Our athletes are our best candidates for infiltrating foreign government institutions; not just because they are the fittest people available for active duty, but also because of their tendency to be overlooked by foreign governments because of their under-achievements."
In fact, that is the exact reason our athletes don't usually excel on the international front. As soon as they are inducted into the national squad, they are compelled to under-achieve to keep a low profile when visiting foreign lands.
The HPTC will allow our athletes-cum-spies to infiltrate the British government anytime they feel like it, not that anyone would notice.
With that, A Stray World's editing team hopes to put to rest the other under-normal circumstances, suspicious course of actions such as approving a project without even disclosing the exact price.
To Lebanon, where Israel has struck a bargain with the Lebanese proletariat.
In a milestone event, Israeli spokesman Sid Humbug has announced a seven-for-seventeen deal, in which for every 7 Israelis killed by Hezbollah, the Israelis will kill another 17 Lebanese civilians.
"This is a great day, where we have proven that negotiations for peace will have a slight chance for peace if they should ever take place," said Humbug.
"The days of an-eye-for-an-eye are over!" proclaimed Mezupman, the Hezbollah spokesperson in a joint statement with Humbug.
"We must all understand that the value of human lives has changed a lot in the 21st century," said Humbug. "There was a time when overvalued and undervalued items were traded in equal quantities. We WILL NOT allow this to happen in this war!"
According to the press release, the 7-17 deal, as it is known, takes into account the fact that Hezbollah fighters consist of fanatical suicide bombers while Israeli soldiers are heavily protected by body armour and rarely get killed by terrorists.
"We hope this deal will bring our countries closer together. But for now, we will each accept the other with open arms."
To reinforce the solidarity of the new pact, Mezupman promptly fired a single bullet right between the eyes with Humbug's gun, thus making the quota of the day.
Finally, our hidden cameras in a men's lavatory on the fifth floor of a renowned Russian hotel caught stunning footages of Bush holding a closed-door meeting with Putin.
Here's the unedited transcript from the meeting:
Bush: You know, if you let me do yours I will let you do mine.
Putin: Comrade, I am sorry, but it won't work. I don't know how to do yours. I don't even think it works right.
Bush: Well, then let me do yours.
Putin: I am sorry, I am afraid you might break it.
Bush: Oh come on, I did Iraq and Afghanistan.
Putin: I know, that's why I won't let you play Russian president for a day.
Dead of the Week: 49
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 392
There has been much public outcry against the half-a-billion project proposed by the National Sports Council to give the best athletes in the country a chance to rub shoulders with the most famous athletes (whether active or not) in the world.
This also fulfils one of the nations goals which is to spend public funds on at least one project that is doomed to fail every year. A prime example of this successful failure is the very unpopular Tak Nak campaign.
The true objective of this grand investment in thin air however, is much, much, more important than any other project ever built in Malaysian history - as our undercover team has discovered.
According to our trusted sources, the NSC's true objective is to build an offshore intelligence agency where our country's best athletes are honed into our country's best liars.
"We know talent when we see one, and it's not good to waste talent," said a man who wanted to be interviewed facing our correspondent's back. "Tell me if you know of any other major group of individuals with more potential to become spies?"
Evidently, our nations athletes have been living a double life as under-achieving sportsmen during the day (or night depending on the event), and as elite government spies in between tournaments.
"Our athletes are our best candidates for infiltrating foreign government institutions; not just because they are the fittest people available for active duty, but also because of their tendency to be overlooked by foreign governments because of their under-achievements."
In fact, that is the exact reason our athletes don't usually excel on the international front. As soon as they are inducted into the national squad, they are compelled to under-achieve to keep a low profile when visiting foreign lands.
The HPTC will allow our athletes-cum-spies to infiltrate the British government anytime they feel like it, not that anyone would notice.
With that, A Stray World's editing team hopes to put to rest the other under-normal circumstances, suspicious course of actions such as approving a project without even disclosing the exact price.
To Lebanon, where Israel has struck a bargain with the Lebanese proletariat.
In a milestone event, Israeli spokesman Sid Humbug has announced a seven-for-seventeen deal, in which for every 7 Israelis killed by Hezbollah, the Israelis will kill another 17 Lebanese civilians.
"This is a great day, where we have proven that negotiations for peace will have a slight chance for peace if they should ever take place," said Humbug.
"The days of an-eye-for-an-eye are over!" proclaimed Mezupman, the Hezbollah spokesperson in a joint statement with Humbug.
"We must all understand that the value of human lives has changed a lot in the 21st century," said Humbug. "There was a time when overvalued and undervalued items were traded in equal quantities. We WILL NOT allow this to happen in this war!"
According to the press release, the 7-17 deal, as it is known, takes into account the fact that Hezbollah fighters consist of fanatical suicide bombers while Israeli soldiers are heavily protected by body armour and rarely get killed by terrorists.
"We hope this deal will bring our countries closer together. But for now, we will each accept the other with open arms."
To reinforce the solidarity of the new pact, Mezupman promptly fired a single bullet right between the eyes with Humbug's gun, thus making the quota of the day.
Finally, our hidden cameras in a men's lavatory on the fifth floor of a renowned Russian hotel caught stunning footages of Bush holding a closed-door meeting with Putin.
Here's the unedited transcript from the meeting:
Bush: You know, if you let me do yours I will let you do mine.
Putin: Comrade, I am sorry, but it won't work. I don't know how to do yours. I don't even think it works right.
Bush: Well, then let me do yours.
Putin: I am sorry, I am afraid you might break it.
Bush: Oh come on, I did Iraq and Afghanistan.
Putin: I know, that's why I won't let you play Russian president for a day.
Dead of the Week: 49
Total Dead (Since 12th Jan 2006): 392
2 comments:
ermmm, very liberal use of your creative license for this one.
Thank you. I think.
Post a Comment