New Words: Kvetch, Bunting, Orrery, Apotheosis, Emmenagogue, Chevon, Cabrito, Capretto.
This week on A Stray World:
This week on A Stray World:
- Proton Persona Revealed, Best Designs Withdrawn;
- Student Rapper Apologizes, Government Declares Victory Over Internet.
The New Car
Unveiling a new model is always a testy affair, as the folks of Proton know really well. Since their revolutionary Gen.2, which has contributed to the success of the company in generating operational losses, the overpaid car designers at Proton have unveiled their most daring take on car design yet, the Persona.
Here's the lowdown of what you could have expected from the people at Proton:
Firstly, the Persona will be the first ever car in the history of Proton to be marginally more comfortable than a bull-carriage with straw padding. After years of annoying user comments, the engineers have finally consented to improving the vehicle's handling so the process of talking on the cellphone with one hand on the wheel while calming the children in the back-seat will now be an easy matter of turning one's attention to the redesigned front seats and fabric-lined door panels. Apparently, internal studies have concluded that listening to user comments about the unattractive design may result in better customer feedback.
Secondly, the Persona was the first ever national car to have an onboard ion engine. This next-next generation system of powering Persona offers the cleanest method possible to wean us off Middle-Eastern oil. Unfortunately, the instant explosion of an engineer who was working on the exhaust pipe caused Proton to revert to the hybrid engine VW lent them for trial purposes. A second mishap however, involving the appointment of inept and short-sighted management, caused the company to reel in this slightly less polluting design as well. This means the new Proton will be running on fossil-fuel until further notice.
Thirdly, the Persona will be the safest drivable Proton car to date. Unlike the cardboard reinforced bamboo paper Wira it will be replacing, the Persona comes armoured in basic aluminium and steel. Making it utterly outstanding in its consistent approach to boring and dead design. While global competitors are exploring space-age material such as lightweight carbon-fibre and nanotech-powered paint, Proton has decided to stay relatively traditional to appeal to Malaysian drivers (their core customers) who enjoy risking their lives and the lives of those fortunate enough to share the experience with them.
Finally, the Persona is only the tip of the proverbial landmines of future Proton cars. Once you step on the accelerator, there is no turning back. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the explosive force that will send you through the viewscreen like manure dipped into liquid nitrogen when you realise the breaks aren't all they are made up to be.
The Apology of the Parody Blogger
The young man who was stupid enough to show his face while singing an ode the the nation to the tune of Negaraku has apologised for the uproar he caused, bringing an end to what could have been a dangerously meaningful debate on corruption in the police force and the relevance of racial policies that mean zilch in the age of globalization.
"Ha, ha. We win," said Mr. P, a government official as he raised his fist in celebration. "This is not just a victory for racial sensitivities, but also for freedom of censorship and power over the Internet, which until this week, was said to be greater than that of the government."
"We have shown them whose the boss. Next item, which really is the previous item, political blogs."
While the optimistic official contemplates whether to break a religious taboo in front of a blogging reporter, I kindly reminded him the video can still be found on many other sites on the web.
"So what. We will shut them down too," said he, even though that's technically impossible as what gets attention on the net, stays on the net. Besides, the new purveyors of the video are smart enough to conceal their identities.
"So what? We will just shut down the Internat," said he, before tucking into a sumptuous meal paid bought using public funds taxed from the people. Steadfastly ignoring any further questions.
----------------
Now playing: Steve Conte - Nowhere and Everywhere
via FoxyTunes
Unveiling a new model is always a testy affair, as the folks of Proton know really well. Since their revolutionary Gen.2, which has contributed to the success of the company in generating operational losses, the overpaid car designers at Proton have unveiled their most daring take on car design yet, the Persona.
Here's the lowdown of what you could have expected from the people at Proton:
Firstly, the Persona will be the first ever car in the history of Proton to be marginally more comfortable than a bull-carriage with straw padding. After years of annoying user comments, the engineers have finally consented to improving the vehicle's handling so the process of talking on the cellphone with one hand on the wheel while calming the children in the back-seat will now be an easy matter of turning one's attention to the redesigned front seats and fabric-lined door panels. Apparently, internal studies have concluded that listening to user comments about the unattractive design may result in better customer feedback.
Secondly, the Persona was the first ever national car to have an onboard ion engine. This next-next generation system of powering Persona offers the cleanest method possible to wean us off Middle-Eastern oil. Unfortunately, the instant explosion of an engineer who was working on the exhaust pipe caused Proton to revert to the hybrid engine VW lent them for trial purposes. A second mishap however, involving the appointment of inept and short-sighted management, caused the company to reel in this slightly less polluting design as well. This means the new Proton will be running on fossil-fuel until further notice.
Thirdly, the Persona will be the safest drivable Proton car to date. Unlike the cardboard reinforced bamboo paper Wira it will be replacing, the Persona comes armoured in basic aluminium and steel. Making it utterly outstanding in its consistent approach to boring and dead design. While global competitors are exploring space-age material such as lightweight carbon-fibre and nanotech-powered paint, Proton has decided to stay relatively traditional to appeal to Malaysian drivers (their core customers) who enjoy risking their lives and the lives of those fortunate enough to share the experience with them.
Finally, the Persona is only the tip of the proverbial landmines of future Proton cars. Once you step on the accelerator, there is no turning back. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the explosive force that will send you through the viewscreen like manure dipped into liquid nitrogen when you realise the breaks aren't all they are made up to be.
The Apology of the Parody Blogger
The young man who was stupid enough to show his face while singing an ode the the nation to the tune of Negaraku has apologised for the uproar he caused, bringing an end to what could have been a dangerously meaningful debate on corruption in the police force and the relevance of racial policies that mean zilch in the age of globalization.
"Ha, ha. We win," said Mr. P, a government official as he raised his fist in celebration. "This is not just a victory for racial sensitivities, but also for freedom of censorship and power over the Internet, which until this week, was said to be greater than that of the government."
"We have shown them whose the boss. Next item, which really is the previous item, political blogs."
While the optimistic official contemplates whether to break a religious taboo in front of a blogging reporter, I kindly reminded him the video can still be found on many other sites on the web.
"So what. We will shut them down too," said he, even though that's technically impossible as what gets attention on the net, stays on the net. Besides, the new purveyors of the video are smart enough to conceal their identities.
"So what? We will just shut down the Internat," said he, before tucking into a sumptuous meal paid bought using public funds taxed from the people. Steadfastly ignoring any further questions.
----------------
Now playing: Steve Conte - Nowhere and Everywhere
via FoxyTunes
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